 Murphy  | 27 Jan 2009 6:12 p.m. PST |
Disclaimer: You should know it by now….
If not, you don't need to be here… Okay, so at my job we have a whiteboard.
We use the whiteboard to give out little fun messages to keep smiles on peoples faces. Things like "Word of the day-REBOOT!" (you'd be surprised how many Microsoft Outlook Problems that solves…) 
So the other day someone writes on the board… "Remember…Every time you say something stupid, somewhere in the world…a puppy DIES!" Strange and odd, but humorous nonetheless. Until… Female office type…(We'll call here FOT), comes through…
Reads the writing on the whiteboard and lets out with a shrill voice. "THATS CRUEL! How could you find a dying puppy to be funny!?" Now…everyone on my cube farm can see this and we all go "quiet" and watch her meltdown. She starts to cry, and erases the board…and stomps off… One of the techs walks over and starts to re-write it…
"Remember…Every time you say something dumb…" and he leaves it at that…
I speak up…"A liberal arts major is born?"
My supervisor, (who has a BA in psychology,) just stares at me…
"What?" I say… Finally, "…a puppy dies!" goes back.
We enjoy it, and get back to work. Half an hour later…FOT comes back through. (I'm not even sure what department she is in, or why she is coming through our area), sees it again and freaks.
"HOW CAN YOU GUYS BE SO CRUEL TO PUPPIES!"? She cries out. "I'VE GOT A NEW PUPPY! A CUTE WHITE MALTESE! HE'S LOVABLE AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM DIE!" She breaks down crying. (I wish I were making this up.)
By now the entire department has come to a halt and people are coming over to see what has happened.
She's standing there blubbering about "Dying puppies".
Suddenly, our "Cultural and Diversity Ambassador" is there. He sees the writing, see's how "crushed and devastated" (his exact words) she is, and takes her away gently, sending my dept. manager a note later saying that he has to write up a "Diversity Relations Incident Report" on the "incident". Oh good lord…
We all get a copy of the email. Then we get told that over the next couple of weeks we will be broken down to attend 2 hours "Cultural and Diversity Sensitivity Meetings" to "enhance our professionalism…" All because of an idiot that couldn't understand the silliness of something written on a whiteboard…. Damn…I thought I had left the goofiness factor at the other job… Now all I need is a Goth chick that makes the coffeeeeeeee…. Submitted respectfully; Murphy |
| kyoteblue | 27 Jan 2009 6:26 p.m. PST |
Think about how much worse it would have been if it had been a Kitten………….. |
 John the OFM  | 27 Jan 2009 6:44 p.m. PST |
Yeah. Try it again tomorrow, but substitute "kitten". See how that flies. If you don't want to do that, here you go:
picture |
 Parzival | 27 Jan 2009 6:45 p.m. PST |
"Remember… every time you say something dumb… everybody has to take sensitivity training." Put that one up.  |
| John the OFM | 27 Jan 2009 6:57 p.m. PST |
"Remember… every time you try to have a sense of humor, someone without one makes everybody else take sensitivity training." Cut it out of newspaper headlines and wear gloves. |
| Ed Mohrmann | 27 Jan 2009 6:59 p.m. PST |
Murph: Parzival's idea ROCKS ! Do it ! |
| CLDISME | 27 Jan 2009 7:11 p.m. PST |
I suspect the sensitivity training will be conducted by PETA. |
| Dremel Man | 27 Jan 2009 7:20 p.m. PST |
Sorry.
I just don't buy it. Murph, I like your stories, but they are so contrived and slapstick…
You must work in a situation comedy or something… |
 Editor in Chief Bill   | 27 Jan 2009 7:41 p.m. PST |
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| Alxbates | 27 Jan 2009 7:43 p.m. PST |
Parzival's idea is friggin sweet! Before I read his response, I thought of putting something like "How many office challenges are solved by hysterical tears?" up on the board, but I like Parzival's idea better. |
| kyoteblue | 27 Jan 2009 7:43 p.m. PST |
And his name is Murphy…….. |
| Murphy | 27 Jan 2009 8:02 p.m. PST |
Sorry Dremel…
Thats what happened today. I don't make 'em up. I just report them. Sometimes they are funny, sometimes they are not. My last two were more of the "Not so funny story"… |
| KeithRK | 27 Jan 2009 8:05 p.m. PST |
Well, you have to figure that just by virtue of having someone in the office with the position of Cultural and Diversity Ambasador, that they would eventually find a reason to send everyone to Cultural and Diversity Re-Education Camp. |
| Murphy | 27 Jan 2009 8:09 p.m. PST |
KeithRK;
I agree with you. We were supposed to do "Team building exercises" last week or so, but that got "postponed for the time being"…. |
| Neotacha | 27 Jan 2009 8:15 p.m. PST |
Damn, if they just had built those teams, then the puppies would have survived the day. |
| John the OFM | 27 Jan 2009 8:19 p.m. PST |
Our team was given a fire, 4 puppies and 3 buckets. We all cried after. |
| Boone Doggle | 27 Jan 2009 8:49 p.m. PST |
What did you expect … when you so publicly accused her of killing puppies. |
| GarrisonMiniatures | 28 Jan 2009 12:44 a.m. PST |
The current UK anti-drugs campaign, Frank, includes a TV commercial of a stuffed dog called Pablo. Used as a drugs mule and then killed, it then 'tries to find out more about the drugs'. Can't get a decent one of the ad, but the following is the website. link (DVDs etc on my PC always come out very dark and I've never been able to solve it – makes it difficult sometimes to locate things!) |
| Tom Bryant | 28 Jan 2009 12:48 a.m. PST |
Murphy I swear somewhere in your past you worked with Dilbert, Wally, and Alice. That is TOO GOOD. Unfortunately I can easily believe it for the truth. |
| The Hobbybox | 28 Jan 2009 3:14 a.m. PST |
Murph,
You and Alxbates really have to get together at some point and write a book about your various workplace experiences.
It'll be a 'must read' for anyone of the 'Dilbert' and 'Darwin Awards' generation.
Thanks for cheering me up on a pretty cruddy morning,
Iain. |
| pphalen | 28 Jan 2009 4:52 a.m. PST |
So did her puppy die because of her, or did her stupid actions take out someone else puppy? |
| CPT Jake | 28 Jan 2009 5:15 a.m. PST |
"Our team was given a fire, 4 puppies and 3 buckets." MMMMmmmm MMMMMmmmmmm Puppy Soup!!!!! Jake |
| Cher Ami | 28 Jan 2009 8:53 a.m. PST |
OMG
The tyranny of the unimaginative and the emotional |
| Bangorstu | 28 Jan 2009 10:05 a.m. PST |
I don't know what's worse – an overemotional office worker or people who don't realise psychology is a science…. |
| Klebert L Hall | 28 Jan 2009 10:30 a.m. PST |
I always wonder how people like that survive to adulthood.
-Kle. |
| Cher Ami | 28 Jan 2009 2:13 p.m. PST |
I always wonder how people like that survive to adulthood.
-Kle. by tyranizing others |
| xxxxxxxxooooo | 28 Jan 2009 2:39 p.m. PST |
She turns them into Tyranids? Wow, now that's scary. |
| Raynman | 28 Jan 2009 3:17 p.m. PST |
CPT Jake, I was thinking the same thing. Too much time in the field with the Army. |
| Shagnasty | 28 Jan 2009 8:46 p.m. PST |
The second version should have been "sea kittens." |
| kyoteblue | 28 Jan 2009 10:35 p.m. PST |
LOL !!!! Sea Kittens !!!!!!!! |
| JackWhite | 31 Jan 2009 11:00 a.m. PST |
The thought police are bad enough, but the humor police are worse. Was there anybody who didn't think Nuke The Whales in our day wasn't funny? If one person in a group has no sense of humor, no one else can have one either. Maybe they'll put her on permanent (mental health) disability and she'll never darken your door again. JW |
