"A friend in need" Topic

Hey guys, help me out with this.

One of my gamers, a really great guy by the way – friendly, easygoing and a great gamer in every sense of tbe word, has some of the worst health habits Ive ever seen.

He eats fast food practically every meal
He brings mountains of candy and soda to every game
He absolutely never exercises, driving his car to my house for games when he lives on a block away.

He is still a young man, in his late 30s, but is already suffering terribly from these habits. He is severely overwieght, has several critical health issues and sufferes from a serious spinal condition, propogated by his lack of activity and wieght, that is actually disfiguring the guy.

I really care about this friend but have a hard time finding the guts to bring up his obvious lack of good judgement where his health is concerned. Should I butt out? It really isnt my business you know, but it pains me to see someone actually killing himself.

Now Im not some sort of health nut, although in comparison it might seem as though I am, but I feel I have some good advise he could really benefit from. Im afraid however that by bringing it up Ill only offend him and possibly lose a gaming buddy and friend.

Thoughts?

Be up front. Tell him about your concerns for his health. Then perhaps ask him to go walking, or play frisbee, or some other exercise with you.

Forest

Butt in, once or twice, but don't make it a habit or you risk losing a friend. Voice your concerns and that you frown upon the behavior, but not the person. If he believes that's the person he is, try to convey that he's not a severly overweight unhealthy person, but a nice guy who has some bad habits and is only a few pounds away from a nice healthy guy.

Unfortunately human nature being what it is he probably won't take his health seriously until something goes wrong.
He sounds like he's on the path to Diabetes, High cholesterol, Hypertension, and their complicationas, heart disease,vision problems,ED you name it.

Perhaps getting him and giving him some literature on what he has to look forward will wake him up. His time to turn it around is limited.

Get Him to read this post, it shows that your friendship with Him is important. You just want it to be long lasting!

Rare is the person who appreciates criticisms from others and that's likely how he'll here what you say no matter how you phrase it. Instead ask him to curtail the snacks while gaming, or at least the unhealthy ones. Blame it on your own dietary needs if that makes it easier and it probably will. Tell him you have no will power or can no longer suffer the temptations.

Next, he's only a block away. Start walking together. Set up games that are modeled on your neighborhood so that walks turn into game planning or even play out hypothetical situations while you walk. Look for shrubs and such that can be looted for terrain.

Call it as you see it but don't keep on at him indefinitely – that'll just make him dig his heels in.

If you exercise invite him along – he's more likely to get stuck in if there's a social side to it. I've noticed with chubby friends of mine that fat people are often quite self conscious about getting into the gym or going on a diet so don't be too harsh!

I applaud your concern, but he sounds like an emotional eater/shame eater to me. Very hard to change… I know it sounds like psychobabble, but really, his issues are probably much too big for you to fix.

I had a gamer friend just like this who had a heart attack and died at 32.

I guess as far as I would go is to ask him if he wants help and that you are concerned. If he says no, that is his choice. You could also tell him that you are there if he ever does want to do something about it.

I will tell you that the best thing I ever did for my body was get a training partner who lived nearby. On days I was not up for it, he would spur me on and vice versa. It got me to the gym, pressured me to prepare for weigh-ins (once every week) and was a social activity. I read Body For Life and set up my goals. I got going, I got moving, and though I have slacked a bit recently, I am in far better shape then a few years ago. But really, he knows what is wrong. He sees it every day, he is completely loney (socially and romantically) probably except when he is gaming and loosing another friend who is always harping on him about his weight, is not going to help.

Since he lives close, maybe you see if he will just take a daily walk with you. And then morning and evening. Sometimes seeing a little positive change can go a long way. Also, if he does say that he wants to change, go for reasonable goals. Not 100 pounds, but rather 10 pounds in the first month and a pound a week after. It is doable. Set up quarterly goals that are just barely reachable and reward him with a in-game, non-food reward, or something else that speaks to him. Movie night… …something. Just not food or a splurge of calories.

Good luck.

I can't add anything to what's been said except to comment that you are a good person to be concerned about a friend this way.

Sixty-eight percent of the people on this planet do not love themselves. Not in the Narcissistic way.
Most addictive behaviours originate from this emotional heart problem. Norscaman is correct, it is a problem you may not be able to deal with. However as most stated, a heartfelt talk with him, expresssing your concern for his health, may help. When summer rolls around, istead of gaming, do something outside, play golf, anything.

Best of Luck!

Thanks guys, I appreciate the help! Ill give it some thought. It appears that he has been on this path a LONG time so you may be right and my council limited even if I get the nerve.