OK, here's the text if it won't let you in:
You could do worse than stay at Room 1408. In 1408, the latest in a huge catalogue of screen adaptations of Stephen King books, John Cusack is a writer trying to spend a night in an incredibly haunted hotel room. As frightful as the room is, Empire looks back at ten of the worst places to stay in the movies.
Bates Motel (Psycho, 1960)
Why anyone would want to stay at the Bates Motel is beyond us. It is, undoubtedly, cinema's most troubling joint to crash at, particularly if you're a chick. Encouraged by his mother who despises ‘loose women', mentally unstable motel owner Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins) becomes a stalking menace with homicidal tendencies. Certain to make you think twice before checking into any motel, the watery wasting of Janet Leigh forever changed the way we all would shower.
The Cabin (Evil Dead, 1981)
Sam Raimi taught us that embarking uupon a trip to the woods with friends is sheer folly, particularly if you end up in a certain Tennessee cabin. The reading material left by the tourist board made disaster inevitable; impressionable teens were always going to read the Book of the Dead, which unleashes the Undead. One by one, the teens (except our hero, Ash) are transformed into the evil dead. That's gotta hurt a holiday. And it wasn't as if they could escape into the woods either, what with the trees having a thing for the ladies.
The Overlook Hotel (The Shining, 1980)
Jack Nicholson's descent into deranged madness as Jack Torrance, the winter caretaker at the remote Overlook, is more chilling than the icy surrounds. As psychic powers, ghostly kids and writer's block add up to a life-threatening retreat, Kubrick's uncluttered masterpiece winds through terrifying scenes from holiday Hell. We've heard of nasty wake up calls, but a deranged Torrance smashing through the door with an axe is not our idea of a great start to the day. And an elevator that pours out blood? Come on.
The Pennsylvania Farmhouse (Night of the Living Dead, 1968)
A terrible decision is made by seven people when they choose to hoe up in a farmhouse under unyielding attacks by revived corpses seeking to eat their flesh. The group struggles to keep its sanity as the living dead continually try to enter the house. How foolish were these punks? A secluded farmhouse in a George Romero film? Sheesh. What did you clowns think was going to happen? No wonder the rent was cheap.
Mick Taylor's Place (Wolf Creek, 2005)
What was supposed to be the holiday of a lifetime turns into a fatal cross-country nightmare when three backpackers encounter car trouble. Helped out by bush bloke Mick Taylor (John Jarratt), the trio get to kip at his middle-of-nowhere farm. Sadly, Taylor has no intention of letting them leave. Instead, he embarks on some brutal and vicious torture. Staying over at Mick's joint cannot be recommended, but at least you wouldn't be there long before you checked out – "head on a stick" style.
The Basement (Saw, 2000)
Two men (played by Cary Elwes and Aussie co-writer Leigh Whannell) awaken, chained to a rusted pipe on a dingy basement floor. Between them is a dead man lying in a pool of blood, holding a gun. Neither knows why they have been abducted. Instructions have been left ordering one dude to kill the other within eight hours. If he fails to do so, both men will die; so will immediate family members. Good morning, indeed.
The New England Cabin (Misery, 1990)
Annie (loopy Kathy Bates) initially fawns over famous author Sheldon (James Caan), who is forced to accept her cabin care after a car accident. Upon reading the latest novel in which Sheldon kills off a character that Annie loves, things take a nasty turn. Annie's psychotic disposition quickly surfaces. Bates is scary enough at the best of times but to be bailed up and tortured by her in the snow would be terrifying. Sheldon would have been better off dying in the accident.
The Houseboat (Houseboat Horror, 1989)
An Australian rock band brings a film crew along to make a video while they are relaxing on a houseboat. Naturally, a demented killer with a grudge against film crews lurks. And, lo, the slaughter begins. Shooting a music video on a houseboat is so cheesy, we're inclined to think they deserved to get it. Would you go out on a houseboat on the aptly named Lake Infinity? Especially when the terrifying John Michael Howson is a local.
The Kensington Flat (Repulsion, 1965)
Left alone by her sister in their London flat, shy young Carol (Catherine Deneuve) descends into schizophrenia and paranoid delusions. Shutting herself off from the world, she loses grip on reality, hallucinating about being raped and seeing hands groping her out of walls. Add to this the many visual aids Polanski uses to illustrate the girls inner torment, and you have one seriously messed-up place to live. We'll take that share house in Earl's Court, thanks all the same.
The Last House On The Left (The Last House on the Left, 1972)
Two young girls on their way to a rock concert are abducted, tortured, raped and murdered. Idiotically, their killers end up at the home of one of the victim's parents. When the grieving parents realise, revenge is exacted faster than you can dial room service. Note to killers: don't seek refuge at the home of the folks whose children you just abused and butchered.
Neil Minty
**g rooms" then? ( Yes, I saw 1408. )