"How Do Wargamers Live with Their Spouses?" Topic

"Once you've got a spouse as well as a wargaming hobby, how do you reconcile the two?…"

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Armand

My two bits.

1. Spouse comes first.
2. Seek acceptance of your hobby, not approval or even participation,
3. Temper your gaming wish list with your spouse's fiscal concerns.
4. Plan your gaming events in advance as much as possible
5. Even last minute Family events take precedence over gaming events.

My wife has her own hobbies, she does quilts and embroidery. I don't wargame though, only build and paint miniatures.

SBminisguy's list sounds spot on to me.

I think SBminisguy has covered the critical items.

"My wife told me it was her or the miniatures. God I'm gonna miss her!"

But seriously

Mrs Elmo and I have our own hobbies. There is some overlap but when she says "Let's play a game tonight". I'm setting up Bolt Action and she means pinochle. We do both enjoy Magic the Gathering.

Then there is travel and we temper Monet's gardens with Normandy.

As for events, family can beat regular gaming days but I'm going to the Chicago Open and if dear SIL plans some party then have fun without me and I will see her at Christmas.

As for money, it's buy whatever you like and when we run out then neither of us buys anything.

I'm there with SBminisguy guy as well, with one addition…

Make sure you have good rules for how to disagree and resolve conflicts when one of you falls short of the deals and compromises you've both put in place, because it'll happen.

Yes – great advice!

My wife owns, (and plays with) 5 DBA armies. Her vandal army she painted herself. She's currently working on her 6th army. The only issues we've had are who gets to use the good terrain pieces and my good paint brushes have gone missing.

My wife simply says,"you do you". This is becasue I had thousands of miniatures before we got married and she knew what she was getting. The only caveat now is that I have to set an annual budget and stick to it.

There is some overlap but when she says "Let's play a game tonight". I'm setting up Bolt Action and she means pinochle. We do both enjoy Magic the Gathering.

So true! And if you play a "normal" game like Monopoly you have to restrain yourself from introducing variants like Mafia Monopoly! Btw, if you do play Monopoly, use the rules on immediate real estate auction if you decide to buy an unowned property you land on (most people forget this rule), and the rule from City Monopoly that lets you build on any property you own with having a full set. Your game will be over in 2 hours!

My wife has a rescue horse…I have complete approval for, and autonomy in regard to, my hobby. It never was an issue. Like Titchmonster above, our respective mottos are "you do you."

My wife never hinders my participation in the hobby. For example, once I got extended on a deployment (21 days) and decided not to go to Historicon the upcoming weekend. The day after I got back she said don't you want to go to the convention? Here is an extra $200 USD go have a good time.

I live within my wants and needs and she never questions the money spent on the hobby. Now we are in our mid 60's and I turned the spare bedroom into my hobby room.

+1 Titchmonster "you do you" works both ways.

if you play a "normal" game like Monopoly you have to restrain yourself from introducing variants

Absolutely not. We don't play monopoly because the in-laws use the Free Parking house rule and I am Rules as Written. Little Elmo won't play Catan because he and his friends created rules to make placing things easier. I tried explaining "Euro blocking mechanism" to no avail.

SBminisguy have to agree Kids and other family members get a variation of this. I think some folks will complain about gamers being cheap (and in fairness some are miserly) but money I spend on the hobby is money taken away from the family.

We both have a good number of separate hobbies along with a few that we share. I'm fortunate in that she supports my wargaming except for the occasional "Why did you need more of XXX?" It will be 34 years tomorrow so something must be working.

Thanks!

Armand

+1 SB and Titchmonster.

Separate bedrooms.

Lifelong bachelor here, but if your spouse is spending his money and time on miniatures, scenery and gaming, it's a pretty safe bet he's not spending it on strippers and hookers. Unless they're miniatures of strippers and hookers, which I myself (*cough-cough*), would never do!
Jes' sayin'.

It is an uneasy peace….

(smile)

Armand

My wife has little interest in history and none in wargaming but accepts that I am an eccentric with a strange hobby. I have always put family first: for example, I sold lots of Napoleonic memoirs and my small medal collection to help fund my daughter's education.

Now we are retired and our children are adults with their own home, my wife has a large room for her office and I have a somewhat smaller one for writing and wargaming. I only spend on wargaming what I earn from writing articles and selling off unwanted books, games &c. Seems to work satisfactorily.

Full disclosure before marriage is important. Took her to Brookhurst Hobbies in Garden Grove, CA. Three employees and two customers greeted me by name.

Showed her the whole collection. She met the wargamers, including Randy of Fidelis Models and a host of other characters.

Told her I had toy solders since age 3 and never stopped buying them, I was 52 when we met.

When we retired I we bought land and had a house built in very rural Kentucky. I got a huge basement wargame room. She got her sewing room.

We live happily ever after.

Mike Bunkermeister Creek

My wife always says she sought out a gamer and knew what she was getting.

My actual miniatures purchases have tapered off as Warhammer Fantasy moved on without me and I switched back to D&D. I have a large mountain of unpainted to work on and frankly, paint irregularly. I do spend some on *gaming* including art supplies, but not enough to affect our household budget, and I don't buy as many comics or books to read as I used to.

My spending on DIY tools outstripped my gaming expenses for a while but I occasionally make or fix around the house so that's never been an issue. The bench tools overlap into terrain making a little bit. And … come to think of it I have a separate savings fund I use for the bench tools.