"Favorite “This is really dumb” war movie" Topic

Let me start off by saying that it's impossible and pointless to try to lay down any rules for this. If you think that using the "wrong tank" is hideous blasphemy, well I guess that's your right. I just think that it's a minor point. It certainly rates deducting points, though. We shall call that Wrong Tank Syndrome, or WTS.
What I'm after here is some movie that just had you shaking your head at it's pervasive stupidity.

1. Pearl Harbor. Our "hero" (Ben Afleck? One of those pretty boys…) is a Yank in the RAF during the Battle of Britain. Gets shot down. Ends up at Pearl Harbor on that day, takes up a spare plane and shoots down a few Japs. Then he goes on Doolittle's raid.
Bonus WTS points deduction. Overhead shots of Battleship Row.

2. The Patriot. Mel doesn't have slaves. He has employees. He's a flintlock musket Ninja. The SS burn people in churches. Let's not forget the haunted house at Cowpens Courthouse.
The WTS moment isn't the Betsy Ross flag. It's "Tavington's" uniform. Who came up with that?

Let the hate pour in.
Just remember that Horrywood never has in mind the people who know anything at all about the subject when they make the movie. Accuracy? Why bother? They have no moral obligation to get it right. It's a product that they sell. Period.

Saving Privae ryan 45 vs Tiger tank, just dumb.

A semi war flick called Robin Hood. Advertised as when the Dirty Dozen meets The film starts with a paragraph telling us that Robin and Marion have formed a resistance group to combat the terrors of the Sheriff of Nottingham (here after AKA SoN). Robin is shown prowling the woods when set upon by Son employees. He is not carrying a longbow but fights hand to hand and with a sword; but wait, alas one evil doer is getting away. Now Robin produces a bow. This happens twice (as far as I watched) proving God is on his side. Marion is a skilled swordswoman and dispatched her foes but is soon captured. The acting is just god-awful (and I just watched my grandaughter in a 4th grade theater camp production). They must have shot in the woods behind someone's house. Its on Netflix. H Of course there is always "A Yank in Vietnam" around 1963. H

Pretty much much any historical war movie told in a modern context with characters confronting modern social issues etc. I can forgive minor technical errors in uniforms, weapons, and equipment; but can't stand Hollywood pandering to the latest social mores.

On the historical (in)accuracy of swords and why they are that way from someone who does both intensely accurate historical reproductions and movie props: YouTube link "Why are movie swords always wrong? (An armourers thoughts)"

Also, I really, really recommend his Agincourt "live fire" tests.

As said in my favorite war movies
Battle of the Bulge – recreation of Battle of Kursk only with American and German uniforms and after WWII American tanks.
Best 2nd – the boy scouts hiking after Normandy to find a lost paratrooper.

Iwo Jima where the guy falls off the ship and the rest of the fleet sails on by as people just look on forlorn assuming that the person is dead forever. As if there is no such thing as a man overboard procedure, escort ships who can swing in to pick him up, or even the ship travelling right behind who could pick them up.

And another Iwo Jima movie- The Sands of Iwo Jima- where the Americans are heading up Mr. Suribachi in a line and a Japanese soldier slowly emerges from a clear trail to the right of the line of march and literally every soldier is looking off toward the camera (and out to sea) as the Japanese soldier pauses for dramatic effect before stabbing one of the Americans, who goes down in shock. The Japanese soldier is then shot and the rest of the Americans resume the march without a moment of pause to either to check the (possibly?) dead GI or even take his dog tags.

Finally, it's only sort-of-a-war flick, but Apocalypto where the clearly Mayan based people speaking a Mayan dialect chase their escaped prisoner to the beach only to see a Spanish ship (from hundreds of years later) showing up to invade. They should be less worried about the Spanish than the clear time travel going on.

Hands down, Battle of the Bulge (1965) is my favourite really bad war movie.

My favourite gripe about the movie isn't one that others usually mention:

The scene where our young tanker boys start singing die Panzerlied, they keep singing the first verse over and over again. They just graduated from Panzerwaffe school and they don't know the other four verses of their own fight song! How could that boost the morale of their jaded commander, eh?

Since they sing it four times, at least you walk away from the movie having learned the lyrics for the first verse anyway.
: 3

YouTube link

Avatar

A technologically advanced civilization (Earth people) is moving to destroy the central artifact and lands of a stone-age society (blue people) for the purposes of obtaining a critical natural resource (mcguffinite, or whatever they called it).

The main character's approach to defeating the technologically advanced civilization of which he is a highly trained warfighter? Organize all of the stone-age people to join together in a great defense using arrows and flying pterodactyl-things into auto-cannons and flying AFVs. Yeah, smart. Pretty much guarantees genocide of the people you say you're trying to protect.

But, you know, Hollywood, so those poor blue underdogs win anyway.

The movie was a blockbuster hit because of its beautiful cinematography and special effects, about which I have no complaints at all.

But, because its financial success does not rely on the story, why not have a believable story, maybe along these lines:

(1) Marine recruits some Earth people to undermine the mission from within, including sabotage of earth-moving machinery and flying vehicles.

(2) Marine and/or recruited people start a propaganda campaign on Earth to create opposition to the strip-mining approach, and Earth's government ultimately intervenes to require negotiation with the blue people.

(3) Blue people sell mining rights to the Earth corporation, become very rich, and turn the planet into a huge tourist attraction. (This also makes Sigourney Weaver's character very rich running avatarized tours.) The corporate guy running the mining operation on the planet gets a smaller bonus than he wanted because the company ends up paying for the mining rights instead of just taking them by conquest, but he makes it up over the following quarters by using his discretionary budget to finance the marketing of planet tours on Earth, creating an unexpected and welcome income stream to his employer, and getting him a promotion back to a nice office on Earth.

I can see that I would never make it as a script writer.

I recently reviewed Nazi Overlord – 'pervasive stupidity' describes this one… TMP link

I saw a Russian film about Barbarossa which looked ok until the Germand attacked in column complete with standard bearers.

"Green Berets" with John Wayne.
Everyone! Run this way! No, wait, run that way!! No, wait, run back the other way!!!

Oberlindes Sol LIC, sadly there are more Avatar movies on the way. The movie was a blockbuster because it was an early modern 3D movie with all the computer effects. See if you can even find a 3D movie in any theater today?

Kelly's Heroes IMO is a really dumb but fun WWII movie. Every character is a 60's comic book character, and the plot is ludicrous. How heavy is gold? But I love watching it.

All Star Wars prequel and sequel combat scenes, plus animated Clone Wars. I guess in that galaxy all armies follow (bad) Napoleonic formations and tactics?

Best redeeming value of Battle of the Bulge is who would have ever heard Panzelied?
But it is the worst movie not to be missed.

Charlie Wilson's War. A film I otherwise enjoyed very much was somewhat lessened for me when the lazy film producers grabbed every single piece of footage they could find of anything being shot down ever by antiaircraft missiles. The montage was just ludicrous, showing F-16s, UH-1s, F4 Phantoms, A6 Intruders, and other non-Soviet aircraft being shot down. It was disappointing.

Avatar, big mean corporation (after all capitalism is bad) vs. peaceful friendly natives, a tried and true sophomoric Hollywood plot.🤮🤮🤮🤮

Shenandoah. Integrated Union regiments, and a farmer in the Valley, two years into the wear, lets an armed stranger walk up to him and stab him.

Robin Hood with Errol Flynn. I LOVE it. The scene where the "merry men" spring from hidden trampolines and drop from trees onto the Sherriff's men is priceless.

ust remember that Horrywood never has in mind the people who know anything at all about the subject when they make the movie. Accuracy? Why bother? They have no moral obligation to get it right. It's a product that they sell. Period.

Why bother? The broad consumer base has no ability to discriminate. Historical accuracy is a large cost that has no appreciable return.

Beyond that, even our esteemed and educated lot is willing to look past some degree of obvious (to us) issues and enjoy the film.

Well, that's the problem. Some get so caught up in Wrong Tank Syndrome that they almost have a stroke, and can't enjoy the movie. You know who you are.

Saving Privae ryan 45 vs Tiger tank, just dumb.

? He's dying, the tank is approaching, he's just firing his pistol because it's all he can do. Yes, the tank blows up, but that wasn't because of the pistol— it was because a P-51 Mustang just blew in the side with a missile! (An HVAR: link ). This is clearly indicated in the film, after Captain Miller's stunned expression (because he too knows his pistol can't stop a tank)… and then the P-51 sweeps through, revealing that it blew up the tank.

There are some dumb bits in SPR, but the destruction of the tank isn't one of ‘em.

Dumb but fun? Where Eagles Dare! accept no substitutes.

Every cliche in the book (which Tbh, invented a lot of the cliches), but a roller coaster ride and a laugh a minute.

So, Herr Major….

I never understood why in Avatar the evil humans just didn't use nerve gas on the Navi (blue guys?) Or bioengineered the equivalent of Navi smallpox?

Worst movie for me is Eagles over London. Never heard of it? Well it was Quentin Tarentino's first rubbish WW2 movie. Couldn't watch it to the end and that's saying something for a war movie.

And that brings me to Inglorious Bastards. Actually this is even worse. Hitler dies in a cinema fire? Total dreck and he should have been stopped by anyone who had an ounce of historical knowledge. There will now be people who actually believe that this happened.

I am with Chimpy on this one – Inglorious Bastards makes the mark for me

As noted, killing Hitler in a fire – a US Army unit that kills and scalps people – Allied soldiers carving swastikas into prisoners foreheads – don't get me started

Tobruk (1967).

Not sure Avatar was a war movie, but it was pretty offensive.

Battle of the Bulge has to win my vote, specifically the tank demolition derby scene with Telly Savalas driving around in a half a turret. In a treeless Ardennes. It's otherwise okay, I guess.

The Last Samurai. Start with the casting of Tom Cruise and heading downhill thereafter.

Tarantino had nothing to do with Eagles Over London. It came out in 1969 when he was 6 or 7.

Not condemning the choice of Inglorious Basterds, but it was never intended to be historically accurate. Call it a Tarantino movie and leave it at that. It's as historically accurate as a Mel Brooks movie.
But carry on.
I'm pleased that so far no Wrong Tank Syndrome choices have shown up. My stated criteria of course permit it, but I reserve the right to frown. I'm not the boss of you.

Since it‘s dumb but fun. I would say a toss up between Where Eagles Dare and The Eagle has Landed. Looks like I have a thing for movie with eagle in the name.

"Where Eagles Dare" is a good movie except for the action sequences which are ridiculous. Then there is Q. Tarantino whose movies are totally ridiculous,

Sticking with "Dumb but Fun", I'll also second Kelly's Heroes.

Others to add:

The Dirty Dozen: There is no way such an important mission would include the maniac played by Telly Savalas, suicide squad or not. Desperate men are one thing— they at least know their best chance is to complete the mission. An unstable and unpredictable madman? Taking him is DUMB.

Wings (The original silent film and first Oscar winner for Best Picture). The plot is the dumb part, but the dogfights and battle scenes are superb. Real planes doing real maneuvers, not miniatures— they even fly and crash an actual Gotha!

And of course, the more recent blockbusters:
Braveheart— not one d**n thing right about the history or the tactics or anything— but that's not what the movie is about.

300— history, schmistory. Over the top utter nonsense all the way. But man, does it get the blood pumping. The advantage of a movie like this is that no one with any grain of sense believes the history happened in the way depicted— the action is too obviously absurd. But knowing that can trigger an attempt to learn about the actual events themselves, which other more "realistically" depicted films might not.

And of course, the more recent blockbusters:
Braveheart— not one d**n thing right about the history or the tactics or anything— but that's not what the movie is about.

What it's about is what every Mel Gibson movie is about. The English are evil.

Battle of the Bulge
Dunkirk
300
Inglorious Bastards
The Patriot
The Horse Soldiers
Pearl Harbor
The Green Berets
Operation Dumbo Drop
Saving Private Ryan – Good movie, not a realistic mission. Blow the damn bridge, then leave.

oh battle of the bulge was my favorite war movie when I was a kid!

then I became a teenager and started playing wargames….. WTS started my disillusion and then it went downhill from there.

I loved it when the panzerleid scene came on!

the newer pearl harbor was very bad

Dunkirk. No Germans until the last 30 seconds. Soldiers not saying anything to one another. Are you sh….ting me? Three fighters representing the entire air battle. And my total mind bending favorite….the Spitfire runs out of gas and glides over the beach going north then glides over the beach going south! How that movie won awards and praise mystifies me. All the clean uniforms. Men being slaughtered when massed to board ships to escape and no one is screaming. The movie has to hold some sort of record for silence in a war movie.

It's as historically accurate as a Mel Brooks movie.

Mel Brooks' portfolio of movies is a treasure-trove of historical information. I used to show them to my kids and we would talk about the various sides of reality shown.

None of the events in Blazing Saddles have to have actually happened to make the things they were making fun of true. You also get a good look at the contemporary status of the "elite intelligentsia" culture where everyone who has opinions that don't agree with "ours" is a backward, stupid [expletive deleted] as opposed to someone you should discuss issues with.

Probably "The Green Berets" as the out and out worst; although "Braveheart" was almost irredeemably awful I did kind of like Patrick McGoohan's Ed. For bad war movies I enjoyed, then +1 "Where Eagles Dare" w/ an honorable mention for Heston's "The War Lord."

Thin Red Line
Battle scenes then shots of birds

Walked out. Never saw the rest of that hot mess.

Avatar, it's just an old cowboys and Indians flick from the Golden Age upgraded with special effects and a lot of blue make-up.

The only scenes from Battle of the Bulge that I remember are: 1) masses of modern tanks moving at speed over a plain and 2) Telly Savalas sitting – as I remember it – in a Sherman with its turret blow off leaving a gaping hole where it would have been, and cradling what could have been a bazooka, or possibly the remains of the tank's gun barrel.

Oh, and the scene in the new "Midway" where the Japanese Zeroes are flying between the battleships off Ford Island and strafing them! Not a torpedo to be seen! Hollywood makes some of the stupidest decisions.

Thin Red Line

As Inglourious Basterds is a Tarantino film, so The Thin Red Line is a Malick film, so … plan on watching a Malick film, not a war movie.

It is somewhat based on a book by James Jones, and that will surely be worth a read. Also, there is a 1964 film based on the book, and that might be worth watching.