Jlundberg | 21 Sep 2018 3:44 p.m. PST |
I know we just had a similar poll. I have been watching Baa Baa Black sheep and musing about all the bad concepts. 1. THe most effective military members are rebels and rule breakers. (Baa Baa BLack Sheep, Dirty Dozen, Kelly's Heroes) 2 Military training methods produce mindless robots that follow orders unthinkingly and have no imagination – virtually any movie featuring 3 Senior NCOs feel free to show gross disrespect to officers and the officers are intimidated by them 4. Senior officers never listen to their subordinates |
Winston Smith | 21 Sep 2018 4:02 p.m. PST |
5. Irregulars are superior to regulars. Let's not go into AWI. That's already been beaten to death. Watching a Spartacus TV movie, the Roman infantry in formation approached the peasants. The peasants attacked the Romans. One vaulted over the shieldwall, coming down in their rear. He then attacked the hopelessly rigid formation with a milking stool and that was that. 6. The purpose of a shield is to help you retain your balance by holding it behind you. |
robert piepenbrink | 21 Sep 2018 4:17 p.m. PST |
7. Anyone demonstrating patriotism is either a fool or an enemy agent. (Pretty much every episode of MASH.) 8. Counterintelligence is staffed entirely by idiot paranoids, because there are no enemy agents--except flag-wavers CI never suspects. (Anyone need a list?) 9. The only real enemies are contractors paid by the US government. (I saw that again on Leverage this week.) 10. Intelligence types either won't tell you anything, or are right but completely disregarded. (I think the last exception to this was Hal Holbrook as Joe Rochfort in Midway.) |
Ghostrunner | 21 Sep 2018 4:23 p.m. PST |
11. Every kid that went to the academy because their daddy was a general/admiral is a complete idiot. 12. EVERY Major is a complete jerk. |
JimSelzer | 21 Sep 2018 4:39 p.m. PST |
hey don't forget McHale's Navy Sargent Bilko ,Gomer Pyle or any of the of the other TV military "comedies" of the 50-60 tv or the A team |
Battle Phlox | 21 Sep 2018 4:53 p.m. PST |
13. Lightly armored warriors will kill heavily armored ones because they are quicker. 14. Throwing knives and axes are the best way to kill the enemy, especially sentries. 15. Special forces guys and fighter pilots do all the work. The rest of the military just guard posts and pass out MREs. |
Tgerritsen | 21 Sep 2018 5:26 p.m. PST |
Soldiers, especially career soldiers, are kill crazy suppressed murderers who seek out every and any opportunity to use weapons- especially against civilians. Avatar is just one example. I just watched an awful bit of dreck on Netflix called The Beyond where the lead scientist in charge of a space program starts the movie mourning her husband of 20 years who was a Marine, but then refuses to send a military man on an exploration mission because we don't need ‘those types' as ambassadors of humanity. |
dBerczerk | 21 Sep 2018 5:31 p.m. PST |
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Desert Rat | 21 Sep 2018 6:01 p.m. PST |
17. Melee is always initiated by a mad charge from the off – whether on foot or mounted. |
Pictors Studio | 21 Sep 2018 6:33 p.m. PST |
It isn't a misconception but the variable power of grenades has always bothered me. In some cases a man can jump on top of one and still have something intelligent to say on his way out. In other cases they can blow up much of a building. |
torokchar | 21 Sep 2018 6:45 p.m. PST |
Germans will always follow each other out the door as the guy in front of them gets shot……. The good guy never gets hit by automatic weapons Clint Eastwood can kill anyone, anytime without getting a scratch. |
15mm and 28mm Fanatik | 21 Sep 2018 7:41 p.m. PST |
18. Individual heroism, not team work, is the key to winning battles. 19. The grunts on the ground never get enough support from the higher-ups, making them perennial outgunned and outnumbered underdogs. 20. The modern post-9/11 soldier is either a stone-cold killer ('Generation Kill') or a tortured PTSD-suffering wreck ('American Sniper'). |
Whirlwind | 21 Sep 2018 7:49 p.m. PST |
That you can "jump away" from an explosive blast. |
15mm and 28mm Fanatik | 21 Sep 2018 7:57 p.m. PST |
21. The effect of a grenade blast is to make bad guys tumble out of a watch tower. 22. It is stupidly simple to outflank an enemy position and hit them from the rear. 23. In dire situations, an officer or NCO will deliver a rousing speech to his men like some football coach inspiring his down-trodden team at halftime while trailing the opponent 24 to nothing. |
COL Scott ret | 21 Sep 2018 8:57 p.m. PST |
Not only in movies, I still get questions regularly about: How we always bark orders with no input from others, and then we expect our Soldiers to obey regardless of any thoughts on self preservation. |
mjkerner | 21 Sep 2018 9:09 p.m. PST |
The best way to attack a fort is a cavalry charge. |
MechanicalHorizon | 21 Sep 2018 9:29 p.m. PST |
Sort of related, but I'm tired of every Movie or TV having a character that was ex-military, and he was always a SEAL, Delta, SAS or whatever before he became – insert mundane civilian job here. So when the bad guys attack, he always has the necessary skills to defeat them. Which is why I like the Die Hard movies. McClain was just a cop. Never in the military, went right into the PD out of high school. |
Lee John Ayre | 22 Sep 2018 2:02 a.m. PST |
Not wearing a helmet in battle. |
repaint | 22 Sep 2018 2:25 a.m. PST |
24. Every single explosion has to be a huge ball of fire from a fuel tank |
Bellbottom | 22 Sep 2018 2:43 a.m. PST |
25. Every vehicle that crashes, or goes over a cliff, must explode |
Bob the Temple Builder | 22 Sep 2018 4:53 a.m. PST |
26. Weapons never need to be reloaded 27. It's possible to shoot a weapon out of someone's hand |
Gunfreak | 22 Sep 2018 4:55 a.m. PST |
Mad dash will always break formed disciplined formations. (hence both sides always do a mad dash) Usually from several hundred meters just to make absolutely sure everyone is dead tired by the time they actually meet. |
Wackmole9 | 22 Sep 2018 5:13 a.m. PST |
Middle ages movies and fire arrows. |
gprokopo | 22 Sep 2018 8:35 a.m. PST |
28. ACW artillery fired nothing but explosive shell. |
Legion 4 | 22 Sep 2018 9:08 a.m. PST |
All good points !! |
Fred Mills | 22 Sep 2018 9:39 a.m. PST |
Fun thread. At risk of dreadful repetition, some thoughts: Every good guy grenade has a one kiloton charge that blows up bad guys, any structure they're in, and any vehicle they're riding/driving. And, good guy grenades NEVER miss. (Enemy grenades, conveniently, can always be thrown back, so I don't know why bad guys bother.) Good guy pistols and close range weapons are 100% accurate, at any range, and sometimes (e.g., anytime they're fired by Nicholas Cage) kill multiple enemies, even when the guy firing it is flying through the air, rolling, or tumbling from a vehicle, or horse, or even an airplane. No one leaping through a plate glass window will ever sever an artery or slice off a nose, ear, or a huge flap of skin. Or have glass fall on them when they land. No one is ever knocked out or disoriented by this either. (Bad guys thrown through windows, however, will be knocked out or killed.) Enemy troops always have automatic weapons (never mere rifles or sidearms), or superior weapons, and better uniforms, which is all useless anyway because good guys have one-shot one-kill accuracy, can take down a platoon with a kitchen knife, and are dressed like Rambo or James Bond. No army anywhere in any era has any tactics whatsoever, and every movement, charge or attack will degenerate into a headlong rush at the other guy, usually following (a) a dramatic, Henry V-like speech, and (b) a lot of serious glaring at the other guys, who will, of course, glare (ineffectually) back. Morale is always lopsided: good guys never flag (it's all those speeches), bad guys never stick with it. Every civilian barmaid, woods guide, store clerk, or farmer enlisted by the good guys will (a) be an SAS-level warrior in terms of skill and lethality, and (b) die heroically or be horribly injured about 3/4 of the way through, further motivating the real heroes to go mad with vengeance and justice killings. An exception: a growing minority of these extras will be tech or computer geniuses who will in about 5-seconds hack a missile guidance system, shut down a spaceship's defences, or find the password for a supervillain's personal computer. All artillery, in any era, fires HE. ('The Patriot', I recall, was a surprising exception.) Pre-gunpowder battles nevertheless manage to have a surprising number of explosions. All archers, in any era, never miss (good guys), never hit (bad guys), and never run out of projectiles (both). All arrows penetrate everything, but none are barbed, so they can all be pulled out – no problemo. All thrown weapons, of course, kill or grievously wound. Every special forces attack, crisis, or operation that does not involve the hero personally, will be EITHER a bloodbath of incompetence with half-wit rebels or crooks taking out dozens of SWAT, Rangers, or commandoes, or (b) useless, because it will arrive too late, the hero(s) will have sorted stuff out, or the bad guys will have left because a good guy traitor has tipped them off. Good guy heroes (a recent Clancy TV scene comes to mind) will, like a blood hound, automatically know where the bad guys went, how to follow them, and what they're thinking about. World-class military and civilian intelligence agencies will, of course, be less than useless, and mostly frustrated by their own bureaucratic foibles. All tanks look EXACTLY alike, in any era, but the side decals will fool 'ya. All vehicles, including tanks, blow up exactly the same way – completely, in a huge fireball, regardless of the weapon that hits them. Every rebel is a freedom fighter; every regular soldier a stupid jerk, and (more often than not) a foreign mercenary of great malice but no real talent. Rebels are stupid sexy; regular soldiers obnoxious jerks. Germans, especially, are so stupid you wonder how they were not defeated by around September 2, 1939; Brits are so bad they could never have had an empire; Romans are self-indulgent fops and could not find the Gaul/Briton/slave to save their lives; and so on. No advancing file, patrol, or scout will ever fan out, maintain cover, move in bounds, or maintain any kind of discipline. No enemy picquet will ever be awake, alert, supported, observed, or even mildly competent. (Trip wires will be seen, magically, by any hero.) Hand signals are ubiquitous, immediately understood, and always seen in the darkest night at any distance; but no matter, because the disorganized melee lies just ahead. And the obvious ones: - The easiest way across any border is a Canadian passport. - The surest way not to find anyone is the Interpol database. - The bigger the wall, the more effective the catapult. - Cavalry horses, being bionic, can charge for hours. - Muskets are perpetually loaded. - German Schmeissers perpetually jam. - Swords being all alike, the same type can be Imperial Roman, medieval French, Elizabethan Sea Dog, or bad guy collectible in his underground lair. – Tents are all alike too. - Dental care is timelessly excellent. - Roman 'uniforms' were all red, all the time. - Barbarians have awesome hair stylists. - Every Japanese is a samurai, except those that are ninjas. - Sonar operators can hear dolphins break wind, and categorize by age. - Radar operators can't tell pigeons from ICBMs. Gotta stop now. Too – much – fun. |
Winston Smith | 22 Sep 2018 9:55 a.m. PST |
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Gunfreak | 22 Sep 2018 11:18 a.m. PST |
About exploding cannon balls, it's not like howitzers were uncommon so some exploding balls there would be. And this seems more about a technology thing then a Hollywood myth. I'm not even sure they are actual explosions or just old movies attempt at showing dirt being thrown up. As cgi and better pyrotechnics became common we get more solid iron shot. |
Herkybird | 22 Sep 2018 1:35 p.m. PST |
#29: Plate armour can be cut apart like paper. #30: Uniforms, boots etc look pristine clean after crawling on the ground…if you are a hero! |
robert piepenbrink | 22 Sep 2018 1:40 p.m. PST |
More espionage than strictly military, but I love the way people can break into offices and download the incriminating evidence to disk in no more time than the pretty accomplice spends chatting up the night watchman. I had days when I couldn't find a particular file I created, but it takes complete strangers to the system well under five minutes. Is there a "find evil files" command in Windows that I'm missing? |
Patrick R | 22 Sep 2018 2:25 p.m. PST |
The latter end of 40, unshaven, harder than titanium, contractor/operator who will outperform a dozen 20-something experienced soldiers, never had a broken bone or major injury, except for that rare form of horrible trauma that made him even more efficient and capable than ever before and who has the ability to make everybody with an officer badge lose fifty IQ points by simply walking into the room. Any situation he happens to walk into becomes a task primordial to the survival of the US, Western Civilisation or even the entire world and comes equipped with a handheld radio with unlimited range and battery life that can magically summon anything from an observation drone to the entire US bomber fleet to take out a target. He's the guy with the designer glasses and a Hard-Rock Cafe T-shirt from an exotic location under his body armour in a sea of camo uniforms. When things go wrong, he automatically assumes command, telling 17-year old baby-faced Captains what to do and earn their undying admiration. And when a four-star General chews him out, he'll grimly remind the general that he single-handedly saved an entire brigade of Marines, while the obviously incompetent general was too busy sucking up to the President which always happens to be the wrong guy from the wrong party … No matter where you dump him, he knows the local lingo and customs and can blend in by doing absolutely nothing, except when terrorists are nearby who instantly pick him out, and is often the last mistake they make. Doesn't matter how many people he tortures, stabs or shoots, it's always for the greater good. He as a special ability that allows him to bond with locals in such a way that terrorists, insurgents or government troops will murder them within the week, adding more trauma that raises his skills so much it makes a bloodlusted Super-Sayan look like a Quaker in a deep coma. He has a patronizing respect for ordinary grunts who admire him, short of pure homoerotic love, which doesn't exist in his universe and officers hate him for being a rugged individual who doesn't answer to nobody but the right thing and is never wrong, never makes mistakes … |
Old Glory | 22 Sep 2018 2:27 p.m. PST |
All Dark ages and back to ancient battles are giant groups of individual warriors scattered all around a huge area with each of the individuals locked in one on one combat with an opponent --- much as I used to set up my Marx men when I was seven years old ??? Regards Russ Dunaway |
Coelacanth | 22 Sep 2018 2:32 p.m. PST |
The War Movie Buff (Kevin Hardy) has compiled a whole list of Submarine Movie Cliches. My favorite: "2. The sub has to go below crush depth. Usually this is to escape depth charges. It is accompanied by leaks, rivets blowing, and/or creaking noises." Ron |
Mesius | 22 Sep 2018 3:51 p.m. PST |
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KeithRK | 22 Sep 2018 4:18 p.m. PST |
Anyone firing a weapon on full automatic, especially an M60 machine gun, just stands up, holds the trigger down and sprays hundreds of rounds everywhere. All while screaming "YEAH! YEAH! YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?! YEAH! GET SOME!" |
wrgmr1 | 22 Sep 2018 5:07 p.m. PST |
In a hail of MG fire none of the good guys get hurt. Of course the opposite is the bad guys clobbered. Bullets can't penetrate thin sheet metal, dry wall or doors. Everyone instantly dies just after being hit. No twitching, serious wounds, screaming, groaning or last few breaths. |
Old Glory | 22 Sep 2018 6:45 p.m. PST |
Not just war movies, but westerns also --hiding behind a bush for cover during a gun battle ??? |
Walking Sailor | 22 Sep 2018 8:14 p.m. PST |
That explosions happen from three different angles and then in slo-mo. |
cj1776 | 22 Sep 2018 8:18 p.m. PST |
This isn't just in war movies but i get tired of watching people hide behind a car door that acts like tank armor. No matter how much fire is directed at the hero his trusty prius door will stop all of it. |
Patrick R | 23 Sep 2018 12:03 a.m. PST |
- Military protocol is for chumps - The army is a perfectly oiled machine where every soldier functions to almost superhuman levels of perfection and cannot be defeated in combat short of an alien invasion. - The army is a corrupt machine where evil indoctrinated soldier is merely an inefficient robot and anyone with half a brain cell can run rings around them. - The civilian advisor needs to be at spitting range from the target they are working to track or bring down instead of working from a tiny office half an hour's driving from an ordinary suburban home. - The advisor's name and info are leaked to the enemy who then try to bring them down, forcing them to pick up arms and go fight the evil foes by themselves. - Every war, no matter how long seems to have veterans who have been fighting that war for 20+ years. - You're either a veteran or a newbie. In a movie you only get your spurs at the very end, in a series you can remain a newbie for an entire decade despite having seen more action than any real soldier. - There's always some guy who "gets it" and uses an enemy weapon because it is infinitely superior to whatever the other soldiers are carrying it, though it never seems to make any difference when the enemy uses it. - No matter how much tech and modern tactics are involved, somebody using something like the bushido code will have all the tools to defeat any opponent. - All major deeds done in the last two centuries of warfare were actually done by the US military or Americans attached to a foreign army. - War is either a hard, but ultimately glorious experience or a horrible hellish experience that breaks everyone involved and only ever leads to a nihilistic end. |
Winston Smith | 23 Sep 2018 11:48 a.m. PST |
@Coelacanth. That is a wonderful submarine movie analysis. Do you have more for other movie types? |
Rudysnelson | 23 Sep 2018 12:38 p.m. PST |
The most often mistake done in movies has been listed, the lack of a need to reload Eaton's and the time needed to pause so machine guns would cool off. |
62bravo | 23 Sep 2018 3:53 p.m. PST |
-Getting shot in the shoulder with no ill effects. There is a tangle of nerves called the "brachial plexus" right in the shoulder region that controls arm/hand movement. Everyone shot in the shoulder is treated like it's merely a flesh wound. |
Ed Mohrmann | 24 Sep 2018 6:39 a.m. PST |
"Everyone instantly dies just after being hit. No twitching, serious wounds, screaming, groaning or last few breaths." +1 that man – also 62Bravo |
wrgmr1 | 25 Sep 2018 8:47 a.m. PST |
In addition to 62Bravo, everyone forgets that the shoulder blade, a rather large bone on the back of a shoulder would most likely be shattered, even with a .22 round. |
Parzival | 27 Sep 2018 3:45 p.m. PST |
Sean Bean always dies the most dramatic death possible. Unless he's the hero, in which case the enemy can only ever shoot him in either the left arm or the right leg. |
Gunfreak | 29 Sep 2018 7:23 a.m. PST |
Sean Bean always dies the most dramatic death possible. Unless he's the hero, in which case the enemy can only ever shoot him in either the left arm or the right leg. That's not a Hollywood military myth. That's just plane facts. Historic records show hundreds of instances were Sean Bean either dies brutally. Like at Cannae were he got a Numidian spears up his ass or when he got burned at the stake after joining the Templars the day before Phillip IV had them all killed. At Blenheim he charged the village and killed a dozen Frenchmen but got shoot in the right leg. |
leidang | 01 Oct 2018 7:41 p.m. PST |
I ain't got time to bleed… you always have time to bleed. |
Patrick Sexton | 02 Oct 2018 2:40 p.m. PST |
That the military is constantly experimenting to breed a 'supersoldier'. One that can take a hit from a .50 and keep on ticking but that also seems like they could be outwitted by a four block Jenga game. |
Mooseworks8 | 22 Oct 2018 8:33 p.m. PST |
That everyone always runs in formation. That the salute crosses the forehead. |