Whack-a-Skull
Our last episode saw our daring(?) adventurers fleeing up a spiral staircase away from a veritable horde of skeletons, and covering the trap door with the bodies of their wounded, unconscious friends. (Some friends, eh?)
After much discussion, they realize that only one skeleton can come through the door at a time. Skeletons are dumb as…well, as bones, so the heroes decide to open the trap door and gang pound each skull as it pops up. After a few rounds of this, I rule that the party will obviously easily dispatch all the skeletons, which a.) cannot hope to win the initiative and b.) are literally boneheads, animated to pursue no matter what. Seriously, it was the best tactical choice for the party (and really sound, too) and as one of the teens pointed out, gaming the combat for all of this would be "really tedious." I did rule that the skellies had a rare chance of getting a few licks in and arbitrarily rolled and came up with…2 legitimate attacks. Both were against the paladin (AC16) and both royally missed. So that was a waste of die rolling. Which just goes to show you, that in the most-favorable-to-the-party circumstances, combat is boring.
Mine for Me and Yours for Me!
Skellies smashed, the adventurers descend again to gleefully loot whatever there is to loot. (Oddly, they need no training for this part of D&D.) The rogue tries to swipe stuff, but I point out that he can only take what's on the body *he* is looting, not grab whatever I describe to another hero who's searching a different body. I suggest that they make a deal (over a shield that the rogue can't use). I refrain from saying, "Maybe he's a Republican," because even this dad knows that joke would be completely lost on the audience. Plus, I don't want to trigger a political debate among teens. Been there, don't wanna go there again.
What's Behind Door Number 1? Or, Trick or Trap!
Each of the chambers have secret rooms located in predictable positions (one of the PCs had earlier climbed an exterior, central tower above the dungeon and realized the whole thing was on a star-shaped cliff, with the chamber walls matching the exterior, allowing for thick stone). They split up (they keep doing this) to each examine different rooms. Most encounter minor traps easily avoided, but two proceed to trigger a pit and the equally classic "staircase that becomes a slide," respectively. The others are present for the pit (and pull their comrade out), but only hear a faint "thunk, 'Aaaa…'" from the druid. After which the paladin says, "Okay, I'm going to check out the other room—" not the room where the druid has vanished. A little discussion ensues about the nature of paladins, "the good of the group," and "checking out what happened to your friend" rather than looking for more loot.
Teen: "Oh, all right. I yell, 'You okay?'"
Meanwhile, You Meet a…Chicken?
So druid takes a slide ride, but had forgotten that maybe he needed to be healed, as he was down to 1 HP, which he loses at the bottom of the ramp. There is a 1 in 20 chance something bad will happen…and I roll the 1 (yes, really— honestly, I am not out to kill these guys!). I take him aside and say, "As you fade into unconsciousness, you hear a loud 'squawk.' Roll a d20." He rolls a 2. (Seriously, they have "no manner of luck at all.")
Teen: "What happens to me?"
DM: "Well, you are unaware of what happens. But on the bright side, you don't have to roll any Death saves!"
Teen: "Am I dead?"
DM: (). "You don't know."
I'm not out to kill them, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy myself.
Meanwhile, Meanwhile, Maybe Some Loot Shouldn't Be "Just Tried Out."
During the above looting phase, the rogue found a ring in a slain NPC's belt pouch (not on the corpse's finger), along with a note that says, "For interrogation only." He puts it on. Oh, yes, I am going to enjoy this. (The ring has some nifty powers, but one HUGE drawback— the wearer cannot lie. Note who put it on… And yes, it's a cursed object, so he can't remove it.)
Oh, Okay, Yes We Should Probably Rescue Him. You Go First.
The party gathers to discuss what to do about the druid (minus the cleric, who is wandering off by himself…they really don't get this part of the game). They've been joined by an NPC, so the rogue tries to tell him to go down first, and that they'll wait. But he has to tell the truth that he won't come down "for several minutes" after he "sees what happens." Not all that persuasive, and the NPC has noticed his behavior before. The NPC points out they should all descend together. They do, but NOBODY BOTHERS TO CHECK FOR THE TRAP THEY SHOULD KNOW IS THERE! Thunk, aaaaa… And everybody BUT the cleric is now down at the bottom of the slide. Where…
You Also Meet A Chicken. And Who Left That Statue Here?
Yes, they meet the cockatrice that obviously petrified the druid. They dispatch it rather handily (they actually could have avoided it, but once they attack, the fight is on). Fortunately, no one else is struck.
Where Did Everybody Go? or, Maybe You Need New Dice
Back to the cleric, who for once realizes that a.) being by himself in a killer dungeon is probably a bad idea and b.) he just heard something happen to his friends. He investigates, finds the trap door and sees that the staircase is now a permanent slide. But, wisely, he ties a rope to the trap door and lowers himself down the slide. A simple Strength check, DC10 (easy, right?)…and he rolls a 7. Aaaaaaa! Wham. And then he tries this three more times, with the same result! Well, at least they're together now.
Things to Do When Your Friend is Stoned
1.) "I lean him against the door to block it!" (Yes, the paladin again. He seems to have a thing about using people— but at least only when they're unconscious.)
2.) "Okay, I stand him in front of the door, so that at least he's in the way!" (When told the door opens out, and therefore can't be held shut by any object on this side.)
3.) "Is all his stuff stone, too, or can we take it?" (The monk.)
4.) "What about his food?" (When told, yes, his equipment is now also stone.)
5.) "I stick a candle on his head and light it." (The rogue. I guess 'cause he was feeling left out.)
6.) "Can I run back to town and get a higher level cleric to come back with me?" (That will take two days, and you will be by yourself traveling through the wilderness where people have been disappearing.) Well, at least he suggested something helpful.
When All Else Fails, Take a Nap— Or Three.
They decide to take a long rest, in hopes that the druid will "sleep it off." (Hmm…somebody's been reading the new Monster Manual. And yes, 5e nerfs petrification to a temporary effect. :-P ) However, a "long rest" is only around 8 hours. When they say they want to take another one, I rule, "You can't take another rest. You're all awake; you can't get back to sleep." (Honestly, let's get a move on.)
Let's Prank the NPC!
They decide to leave the stone druid where he is.
DM: "I think they're taking you for granite." (I'm gonna get ONE bad pun in.)
Mostly ignoring the pun (deliberately), they set out to search the new level. Realizing that it's a mirror image of the previous level, they start checking doors, and, by pure chance, check the best door first. The rogue opens the door and sees a man in plain clerical robes, in a neatly kept room, sitting on the floor and gazing out through a sizeable hole in the wall (big enough to easily go out). The rogue decides to sneak up on the man and— tap him on the opposite shoulder than the one the rogue is behind. Ha ha.
The NPC is a bit too perceptive for that trick, though. (Seriously; Wisdom check roll of a natural 18 with a +7 modifier; no 1st level rogue is sneaking up on this guy.)
Fortunately for all, the man is indeed a high(er) level cleric, a hermit of good alignment, and a friend of the other NPC. He is able to restore the druid (I fudged this; nerfed cockatrice or not, I really did want the kid to be able to play!).
DM: "I just want to tell you, you've been solid through this whole ordeal. A real rock."
(Yeah, I got a million of 'em. And they're all bad.)
Sometimes the Rogue Does Have the Right Idea.
They go back to exploring. The rogue opens a door, sees two large, deer-headed, antler-bearing winged things with really sharp teeth sitting in a nest with large bones sticking out of it. Rogue closes door. "We're not going in there."
Napalm Solves a Lot of Problems
Cleric opens door, sees four bat-like things with long sharp beaks rise up and swoop towards him.
"I cast Burning Hands!"
Four bat-like thingies turn to ash.
Who needs "Off!" when you have a flamethrower?
What You Can't See Is Definitely Going to Kill You, and He Can Learn!
Rogue opens the door on a dark chamber. He sees rubble and shattered rock scattered about the room, but nothing else. He sneaks in, sees a body, an ancient skeleton in torn leather armor, on the far side. Thinking better of the whole situation, he tries to sneak out. He gets to the door, and something slams into him, hurling him against a central column in the main chamber. He's unconscious. The paladin rushes over, whips up his shield and his newly found longsword, which flairs with light! "Whoa!" And then he gets smacked in the face with a chunk of rock…and there's still nothing in the room. Paladin takes his cue from the rogue and closes the door.
The Rope Less Traveled, or Are You *Sure* You're a Thief?
All healed up (and excited about the paladin's magic sword), they realize that there is one room that is both safe and offers an alternative way down…the room of the hermit! Sure enough, looking out the gap reveals a road that meets the base of the cliff directly below them. It's only about 20' down AND they have an extra 50' of rope!
They tie it off to the hermit's door, and the rogue announces he will go first.
"I tie the rope to my belt, loop it around me, and take out my pitons, and go out the opening…" and promptly rolls a 1. I allow for a Dex save. He rolls a 2. (Seriously, these are not loaded dice.) SPLAT. The others look out and see their rogue, their experts in all things thiefy, like, you know, climbing things, face down and unconscious on the road. They decide to risk it and follow. Rolls: 18, 19, 16, 15, 20. "I do a triple back flip and land with my arms wide," declares the monk. They look down at the rogue, take pity, and give him a potion of healing. To add to the humor, the rogue's player had an almost identical climbing experience with another rogue PC in another adventure. DM: "You are really terrible at climbing things."
We leave our heroes outside a pair of double doors that lead back into the cliff side. Will they find the missing people? Will they solve the mystery of the chapel? Will they do any more total face plants for the amusement of the DM (and you)? I don't know about the former possibilities, but I'd say the latter approach 100%.
Tune in Next Week…