Taken from full post here: link
Radagast's Moving Castle, An Oldhammer Children's Adventure Tale
Trigger Warning! Like Jimi Hendrix said "'Scuse me while I scream at the sky…"
Buddies, this next post is not in response to the latest GW Warhammer children's Adventure books announcement.
OK, you got me, maybe it is…
You know how we love to "weave in" current world events into our Frankenstein-ian patchwork narrative.
Next thing you know, President Turin Turambar will meet with North Cathay to declare that the wargames are over!
Then famed BloodBowl Dark Elf player of the Drowland Pistons – Dennis Rod-Elf ends up crying manly (or elfy?) tears of joy on Sigmar TV…
Ah what a wacky world! (I meant ours, not my fiction! Did ya hear? GW is making PC children's books…?)
OK, on to our lovely little story!
(Somewhere Mr Rogers and Miss Molly are watching in horror!)
~~~
(all kids chant together) Yay! Story time is here!
Narrator: Gather round kids, and I will tell you a tale of Oldhammery times. This one is called…. anyone?
(all kids chant together) Radagast's Moving Castle!
Narrator: Thats right, kids! And who is Radagast?
(all kids chant together) Worst wizard in Middle Earth!
Narrator: He really is a terrible person isnt he? Next time we see him, we will throw rocks at his face!
(all kids chant together) Yay!
Narrator: So… Count Marius and his Averlanders, the Ice Queen and her Kislevites arrived in Rhosghobel – the home of Radagast the Brown…
At the same time that Marius and the Ice Queen arrived, so did a monk, a cleric, a priest, two cultists, and a hammer-nun.
Rhosghobel was a blue and yellow and stone grey colored Wizard's home – with an attached high tower and ivy growing 'round its windows and three green doors.
Behind it was a great thick forest – Mirkwood, full of giant spiders and mischievous elves.
To the left of the house was a red-leafed Weirwood Tree with a creepy bleeding face on its tree trunk.
And to the right was a Willow Tree with its swaying branches though there was no wind, and a small pond where no animals dared to drink.
'Radagast, come out!' they said.
But no one came out, nor peeked out a window.
Marius was mad. Emotionally, I mean. Because he was also cat-lady crazy insane as well.
And the Ice Queen was icy. Temperature-aly, I mean. Because well… she did have an icy demeanor. Everyone backed away as the area around her suddenly got really chilly. Her poor horse even had icicles hanging down from its nose.
'Radagast! We are here for the Annual North-South Potato-Sack Race Tournament! Surely you havent forgotten that?!' they demanded.
But no reply came out and not a head peeked out an ivy ringed window.
So they were mad.
'We are mad!' they said.
Poindexter, Lieutenant of Averland, spotted some people coming up the road to Rhosghobel.
'Stop! What are you homeless people doing here? There are important things happening here and you filthy beggars arent allowed to participate!' Poindexter pointed his accusing finger at their faces.
'But Sir, we are not beggars or homeless, we are here for the Annual Whip Your Back With A Flail For The Orphans Benefit!' they tried to reason.
'If you arent homeless then why do you wears rags and have no shoes?' Poindexter pointed his accusing finger at their suddenly self-conscious dirty toes wriggling on the grass.
'But Sir, we are a Mendicant Order. It is our duty to wear sack cloth and not wear shoes.' they explained.
'What is this Mendicant?' Poindexter asked.
'It comes from the root word mendicus, meaning to beg, begging, beggar… Umm… I guess we are beggars then." the monks shrugged and weakly nodded their heads in surrender.
~~~~~
For the rest of the story: link
