Step 1: buy a thing on ebay.
Step 2: Make sure that on the day of delivery, I am home, no music on, so I can get the door when Fedex guy knocks.
Step 3: Check tracking, see it was delivered half an hour ago and left on front step.
Step 4: Think "that's weird, I am sitting 7 feet from the door and nobody knocked". go to look for item.
Step 5: Nowhere to be seen. Look under stairs and behind bush.
Step 6: Ask yard maintenance guys outside if they saw a fedex truck. Not a thing.
Step 7: Okay, either my package is stolen or it was never delivered.
Step 8: Call Fedex. Get told they are "looking into it".
Step 9: Wait wait wait. Fedex calls back and says they definitely delivered it. Ask why they didn't knock. get told the seller didn't request a signature. (which apparently means throw it somewhere at random).
Step 10: Contact seller through ebay to see if they can badger fedex. No response.
Step 11: Contact ebay to see if they can help. Explain problem very thoroughly. Get a response 2 minutes later saying that since tracking shows I received the item, they can't help. Thanks, that's the entire damn problem.
Step 12: Open missing item claim with fedex.
Step 13: Wait wait wait wait. While waiting, email seller directly through their business email. No response here either.
Step 14: get a letter in the mail from fedex saying that they will only do missing item files if the seller contacts them or gives them a written permission. The same seller that wont answer messages.
Step 15: Get drunk. File Paypal dispute. Swear to never use Fedex again.