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"How you know you are in a High Fantasy Novel" Topic


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Patrick R05 Nov 2015 4:55 a.m. PST

This morning your peaceful village is burning, somebody murdered your parents in the most horrible way and you're about to be sold off as a slave.

You're not like the others, you never were. The others think you're either broken or come from somewhere else and they might be right.

A man with a long beard and a staff appears on your doorstep.

That tchotchke that has been around for as long as people remember has suddenly vanished/emits an eerie light or has dragons appear out of nowhere and treat it like catnip.

The sun/suns/device that is the source of everything that keeps your society going is growing dimmer by the day.

Your local noble (and pretty much all other nobles) is a murderous vengeful rapist who has an eye on you/your mom/your sister.

You have a special talent nobody else in your community has, it seems to be inborn and you're incredibly good at it despite having no real formal training.

Somewhere in a distant land lives an evil warlord in a land made of volcanic ash and fused glass.

All your life you've been a nobody, not particularly attractive, you never made much money, you certainly have to special skills beyond anything needed for a life of drudgery and now you're sharing a horse with a stunningly beautiful and exotic woman trying to escape local law-enforcement.

The local ruler just declared that all firstborn males must be put to the sword.

You find a baby in a manger by the river.

You or a friend have discovered a noteworthy if not slightly odd object, could be a gold ring, a glowing crystal, a weird-looking weapon, or any superbly crafted, but possibly even damaged item etc.

A stranger wandered into your village, claims to have lost their memory, but why is there a striking resemblance with the a statue in the local temple ?

Your history is tens of millennia old, but once people came up with the steel sword and the crossbow nine-thousand years ago, nobody ever bothered inventing again.

You live in a medieval culture, but all the basics of a plain, simple, but highly comfortable life, like indoor plumbing, well maintained roads, soap, quality medical care and nutricious food come in inexhaustible supply.

Your community has always been separate from something called "the outside world."

Very tall people from the outside world have forced their way into your community and refer to your people with derogatory names implying your shortness.

When you go to the average busy tavern or crowded market you're hard pressed to find two or more individuals of the same race.

You're on a first name basis with most major deities.

Your job is to guard a major magical artefact, or make sure some powerful being remains imprisoned forever.

Your race consists of highly attractive exotic beings, but you have this inner voice telling you that the common behaviour among your people is "evil" and it bothers you so much you want to leave and be free.

Near your home is a dark, mysterious and abandoned temple/ruin/burial ground and everyone tells you to keep away from it.

"The gods are again oppressing mankind and it's high time somebody did something about it !"

The wisdom of your mystical elder teachers is either self-evident, pulled out of their orifice or scribbed from a fortune cookie.

You're an apprentice to a powerful wizard or a renowned knight for years, but aside from back-breaking menial jobs and a bunch of insults they have yet to teach you the first thing about the job you applied for.

You and your friends are on a major quest, each and every important event is marked by the recital of some ancient poetry or a song or two.

You're said to be the last of your race or kind, all the others have been murdered or went away to parts unknown.

MajorB05 Nov 2015 4:59 a.m. PST

The female heroine wears a chainmail bikini.

Winston Smith05 Nov 2015 5:12 a.m. PST

You meet in a tavern.

All the foreigners' names are unpronounceable.
With far too many Qs, Zs, and 's.

zippyfusenet05 Nov 2015 5:40 a.m. PST

Animals, birds and trees will often converse with someone who addresses them respectfully.

Everyone in your medieval economy is is employed for wages. Pretty good wages. Everyone has plenty of currency. But prices are high. You pay a gold piece for a beer down at the tavern.

No man owns or controls most of the women in this medieval society. The women do as they please, many independently supporting themselves by gainful employment as, um, party planners, yoga instructors, tavern owners…yeah, that's the ticket.

Mark RedLinePS05 Nov 2015 6:30 a.m. PST

Yay…I'm in one, well, apart from the bit about sharing my horse with some bird!

Coyotepunc and Hatshepsuut05 Nov 2015 11:03 a.m. PST

Apparently I meet (or have met in the past) three of the identifying criteria.

Doug em4miniatures05 Nov 2015 11:13 a.m. PST

grin

Very funny (and oh so true). But Bleeped text is a "tchotchke" ?

Doug

MajorB05 Nov 2015 11:51 a.m. PST

But what is a "tchotchke" ?

link

JSchutt05 Nov 2015 3:34 p.m. PST

That happened to me once…

John Treadaway06 Nov 2015 8:54 a.m. PST

Ahh – tchotchke: a gee gaw. Now I understand!

All of those mentioned are entertainingly spot on, except for the bits about mangers and the death of first born children.

I'd have to go with Hedley Lamarr's conclusion on the latter:

Taggart: I got it! I know how we can run everyone out of Rock Ridge.
Hedley Lamarr: How?
Taggart: We'll kill the first born male child in every household.
Hedley Lamarr: [after some consideration] Too Jewish.

We can't go around saying that the 'good book' is "High Fantasy": that just sounds like DH Bait!

John T

Thomas Thomas06 Nov 2015 10:07 a.m. PST

Sorry no mail bikinis in High Fantasy.

That's the first clue you in a D&D spin off.

TomT

waaslandwarrior06 Nov 2015 11:34 a.m. PST

Patrick,

when does the first part of your new series of fantasy books will be availlable in stores around the globe?

Looking forward to it!

Also, could you sign my copy please?

MajorB06 Nov 2015 12:17 p.m. PST

Sorry no mail bikinis in High Fantasy.

Just take a loook at the covers of the "Conan" series of books.

Crazyivanov20 Nov 2015 9:04 a.m. PST

Conan isn't High Fantasy, its Sword and Sorcery Major B.

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