The Mahabahamarimban Confederacy- This is the northern and somewhat more powerful kingdom. It's people are overwhelmingly Muslim and very warlike. The culture is austere, unromantic, and has little humor. A Mahabahamarimban joke goes something like this. "Three guys go into a bar, a Hindu, A Sikh, and a Jew. I cut their heads off… Ho Ho Ho." The food is terrible, usually some form of rancid goat, with little seasoning and the pungent aftertaste of the camel dung it Is cooked over. Mahabahamarimban are generally tall, thin, and gaunt, a testimony to the awful diet and cuisine. The Mahabahamarimban Confederacy has chosen the backing of Flounce in the colonial wars Only because the Bollybojangleswoedi chose the Gorgonzolan's first.
Personalities in the Prinipality of Mahabahamarimban
Akboor the Great! Mahawaji (he lisps ) of Mahabahamarimban , and he is known throughout In'ja as the most insufferable ruler in India. He's the man with the worst table manners in the world. He chews with his mouth open, splatters food all over, pushes his mashed potatoes on his fork with a knife, uses the knife to eat his peas, and most of the dishes made for him are variations of Mac'n Cheese. He also likes spaghetti O's with hot dogs cut up into them and quaffed down with Dr. Pepper fortified with Hawiian punch powder. He sneezes into the sleeve of his robe, the table cloth, and your breast pocket. He doesn't change his underwear for weeks, tells off color jokes at the table and has a huge collection of string and black velvet art, the eyes of which seem to follow you around the room. The main subjects are Pope John XXIII, Elvis, and Martin Luthr King. In public he belches, farts, picks his nose, and scratches himself in all sorts of unsightly places and then sniffs his fingers. He tells everyone about his operations and shows you the scars, and bores you to death with stories of how great his grand-kids are. (He has none). His encyclopedic knowledge of baseball statistics, train tables, auncient trivia, with which he endlessy regales foreign diplomats and interesting eastern potentates is feared around the world. He gives as gifts to guests towels he has stolen from hotels he has visited, mis-matched sets of dishes and glassware, tacky sea-shell encrusted boxes which say "Visit "Scenic Shagundala Soon" and fountain pens of women in bathing suits which have the swimming suit disappear when you turn it over. He cheats at Trivial Pursuit, and tips badly at restaurants, offering to go double or nothing with the waiter using a two-headed coin.
Mazzola,The Mammarani of Grungybad. This is Akboors long suffering wife. A prim, pretty woman who was a great beauty at one time but over the long years of hard use at Akboor's hand's has turned to cheap sherry, boxes of bon bons and marathon Mah Jong games to anesthetize herself to here revolting husband. andy. If she offers you some candy, don't eat the ones with the teeth markes, they're the nuts. . She has become a little demented recently and spends her days in unceasing prayer that Akboor will one day put the toilet seat down. .
Dunmayah, The Rani of Raunchypoor- A scion of the great Mazumban Princely families, she is able, intelligent, crafty, brilliant, ruthless and married to Akboor's brother Aflak. She is also the mistress of the Chevalier DeBacle of the court of Flounce. No Purdah Nashim this one, she dresses in European clothes (usually yellow and black) and is completely Europeanized, mastering all the skills of the Memsahib, and her European sisters, including a long nose for looking down at you with, and a veddy, veddy British accent and a sense of morality and propriety that would make Queen Victoria in the next century look like a libertine. The oft feared remark "Ummm huh!" when pronounced in her nose-looking down voice, will freeze the blood of a Thugee in mid charge and stop the heart. Her husband Aflak, is quite mad, and is restrained in a cell, lavishly appointed where he waddles around all day, thinking he's a duck.
Princes Purnah – Daughter of Akboor the great and his wife Mazzola Purnah is a precocious, dreamy, hyperactive little 12 year old who is arrogant, despotic and bloodthirsty and who loves to devise new lists of enemies every day, for which she also likes to devise new tortures for every day as well. Theses she tests on her collection of Dolls. When she's burned, gouged, racked, crushed, branded, whipped, bastinadoed, and bludgeoned her collection of Barbies, she'll start on the serving girls. Other than that she moons like a lovesick cow over the portrait of Prince Kanolameahameaha, who she has a secret passion for. She dreams of marrying him and installing him in her doll house.
The Cheavalier DeBacle. Think of Lally in India only worse. The lover and pawn of the Rani of Raunchypoor.
Unlike the Mahabahamarimban Confederacy the peoples of the Bollybojangles are laughing, happy go lucky, outgoing and cheerful. These are the guys with the huge temples with statues of people doing all sorts of interesting things a bevy of consenting adults can do when acting like a box of hamsters. They're always breaking into line-dances and elaborate musical routines such that the best way to envision the kingdom is a collision between a Sword and Sandal Epic, and a Bollywood movie.. This southern kingdom ‘s people are somewhat more dark skinned than the Mahabahamarimban The cuisine however is great, all manner of curry and highly spiced dishes such that the Bollybojanglians are a little chubbier and more rounded than the gaunt Mahabajamarimbans.
From the Realm of Bollybojangleswoed we have..
King Karmakaramakazoo IV, The Grand Ginko of Bollybojangles,KarmakaramaKazoo is an effective ruler and has a reputation as an erudite and civilized monarch, which goes to show you the ability of public relations to deceive. He is rumored to be a collector and has a huge stamp collection, coin collection, butterfly collection, wife collection, and dabbles in cookery, crockery, bookery, and pederastry. He has a huge collection of wives, who he keeps in cages, and occasionally mounts in large human sized folio books. A thoroughly unlikeable fellow who is as corrupt as they come and who Founded a new cult in India, the Call of Kazooloo, who achieve ritual purity by listening to Country and Western Music and a steady diet of Mangelwurzels until they go mad and become kill-crazed fanatics. In addition to his stamp, butterfly, and coin collections, he saves string, rubber bands, paper clips and tin foil as well, the latter of which he wears as an enormous turban. Recently he has been convinced to treat his wives more humanely, by storing them in large Tupperware boxes with air holes.
Prince Kanolameahameaha, Son of Kazoo IV. The Prince is everything Kazoo IV isn't. Tall, handsome, educated, he is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty Brave, Clean, and Reverent. A real boy scout! He won't last long in Kazoo's court. He'll last even less long if Princess Purnah gets her mits on him! Princess Purnah is a firm believer in the old song "You always hurt the one you love" and she would love to get him alone in her palace of Bondagecheri where she could just show him her love till he up and dies.
Princess Bazoomba= Chubby little thing but quite pretty, a feminine version of her brother Kanolameahameaha. She doesn't like her brother though because he doesn't let her socialize with men at Kazoo's court, which if you ever met the men at Kazoo's court, you understand why. Bazoomba thinks Purdah likes her, for the latter is always inviting her over to play with her dollies. Bazoomba sews, cooks, cleans, does macramé, (her clothes are mostly made of macramé) , knows flower arrangement and does Origami.
Origami- A local urchin who creeps up to Princess Bazoomba's room in the palace and they play"coax the cobra into the basket" while Origami tootles on his tin whistle.
Sal Manella- The commandante of the Garrison of the Gorgonzolan base at Stinkipoor. He is an intelligent and able commander.
