"The UM board topic generator game." Topic

With all the talk about the UM board, I figured I'd try to lighten the mood a little.

* * * * *

So I give you: The UM forum generator game.

Grab a few dice and you can create your own forum post, complete without having to wait for it to be posted.

First, select a topic by rolling 1D10.

1 – F35
2 – A10
3 – US military budget
4 – ISIS
5 – Ebola (reroll if we're not close to a US election)
6 – Cold war enemy does something scary (roll randomly to determine Russia or China)
7 – Middle East (roll randomly to determine Iran or Israel)
8 – Third world country put a different gun on a soviet-era APC
9 – United States bombing somewhere (select any nation at random, preferably not a NATO ally)
10 – How ISIS is using Ebola to slow down deployment of the F35 against former cold war enemies in the middle east.

The thread will have 2D6 replies.
If the thread involves ISIS or Russia, add +1D6, if it involves Israel, add +2D6 and every 6 allows another die to be rolled.

For each reply, roll 1D10 below:

1 – It's fault
2 – We should buy more tanks and planes
3 – We should bomb [roll 1D6: 1 Russia 2 China 3 Iran 4 Sweden 5 Iran AND Russia 6 The Middle East]
4 – America is evil
5 – WW3 soon
6 – America is being ruined by [roll 1D6: 1 2 3 Taxes 4 Cultural diversity 5 College professors 6 The media]
7 – Comparison to Hitler
8 – Quagmire
9 – Harsh measures
10 – Does anyone make them in 15mm?

Once all replies have been generated, each has a 10% chance of resulting in a Dawghousing.
Each Dawghousing has a 10% chance of spawning a topic in TMP Talk.

* * * * *

The rules are compatible with any scale of miniatures.

Certain words getting snipped actually made this more funny.
Substitute whatever suits you :-)

Weasel:
I strongly object to your arrogant assumption that all die rolls must be done using D6's or D10's. I am tired of being under the yoke of the traditional dice and I demand that D4's, D8's, D12's, D20's and D100's be used. This way we can end the oligarchy of the dice which has been foisted upon us by Big-plastic, the Military Simulation Complex, and agents of COW. Furthermore, I demand we adopt a D17 to generate our UM controversies to thwart proponents of composite numbers.
On a separate note, is China using Ebola as a tool to destabilise Africa so that it can ultimately wrest control of the continent from Africans who have been distracted by playing RuneQuest and then establish a Uighur Caliphate entirely populated by Tibetans who are wholely loyal to Big-Pharma and will act as a bulwark to an ISIS-Neo-Soviet Russian alliance in the Middle East?
Rod Random Robertson.

Rod won the thread. End game.

I rolled a natural 11, of course.

Though, you probably suspected that all along, I'll bet.

Lol! Can't wait to play at the next convention.

Hahaha! … brilliant !

Best thread evah!

I got a 5, Ebola and a 7, Comparison to Hitler

If you play with loaded dice you can get the bias that you desire! ;-)

Are the DHings totally random and capricious? No reason to break with precedent here.

I kind of like it ! Maybe if you roll doubles it's Armageddon !

Funny. With a capital F and a capital UNNY!

Now you just need a link to the online die roll site and we never have to leave the computer again.

Weasel, you realise that '10 – Does anyone make them in 15mm?' refers to actually wargaming? This kind of talk has no place on the UM board, what were you thinking man!

Yes, all I do is 6mm … I feel left out !

An excellent post with excellent answers: at last some light relief that didn't degenerate into a crap storm.

Well done all round.

John T

PS – how about a dice roll to select an image to insert randomly to totally derail the thread and cause offense at the same time? Not quite sure how to do that randomly with dice roll but it'd be an option if one could make it work. Perhaps a couple of lists of words which if you bowl and take a word from each and add the word image in google you could see what comes up?

Not based on reality, that last one: Just a thought…

The 15mm was a shout out to dear Kyote :-)

Thanks guys. Don't forget to laugh once in a while ;)

Rod didn't just win the thread, I think he just won the whole internet for the day… (how much of a prize that actually is remains to be seen… )

Yes, very good.

Superb

Indeed !

or Janet Reno in lederhosen….and nothing else

Some people pay extra for that.

Terrement and Rebelyell2006:
No, but now I am going to have to pay extra for therapy!
A scarred Rod Robertson.

I'd say a result of 1 thru 8 on the D10 should be "what gems Tango01 happens to find at random from his daily internet trawls." A result of 9 gets "what Bill just read in the US Naval Institute publication Proceedings" and a result of 10 remains the same as Weasel originally proposed about ISIS, ebola, the F-35 and the ME.

Let's see, I need an 11 my first roll has to be 4…

This has got to be the greatest game ever. Everybody wins (or loses). It depends on your perspective.