"This has to be a joke!" Topic

Jean-Claude Van Damme as Napoleon?

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NOOOOOOOOOO…!

Amicalement
Armand

Suffer! Suffer as ye must! Hey it may be good. You never know.

Well then …. I guess napoleon does win at Waterloo … by kick-boxing his way through Wellington's reserves and … on to Brussels.

He'd make a good Ney!

Given his acting skills, I think he'd make a better 'Neigh'.

The "Muscles from Brussels" should try the role of Marengo,Napoleon's horse.

I doubt very much that this will be good.

Will they contrive to have Napoleon square off against Jason Statham's Arthur Wellesley in a room clearing brawl in the lobby of La Belle Alliance? Napoleon, being honorable throughout the movie, agrees to throw the Battle of Waterloo after losing the ensuing cage match.

A big movie lots of people go to see about a subject that most people off this page know little or nothing about. How can that be bad?

Vinnie Jones as Wellington.
Arnold Schwarzenegger as Blucher
The cast of Gooodfellas as various Marshals of France.
All those great Russian actors that Hollywood only uses as bad guys could finally play good Russian Nobility/Generals.
Statham, Clive Owen and every Brit actor that ever appeared in a Guy Ritchie film as Wellingtons' Generals and staff.
Vin Diesel as Jean Lafitte and Tom Cruise as Andy Jackson at New Orleans-then sneaking an army into France to help fight at Waterloo(after all, no European war was ever won without Americans:) ).
Madonna, Lady GAGA, Britney Spears, Beyonce etc. as Court/Ball Room Dance eyecandy.
Chow Yun Fat looking confused being in it just so the film will make money in China.
Nicholas Cage as Grouchy, gone in sixty seconds chasing Blucher.
Johnny Depp and Keanu Reeves as Ney and Guyot.
I have to stop.

Skippy, that movie would probably be very fun to watch. As long as you completely shut down your brain before viewing.

I don't care who plays Napoleon as long as they use the proper tanks.

Statham, Clive Owen and every Brit actor that ever appeared in a Guy Ritchie film as Wellingtons' Generals and staff.

Actually, I would watch such a movie if this was so.

Skippy I am all in as Vinnie Jones as nosey as long as he does CPR on somebody

Heres the Title "Lock stock and two smoking Bakers"

Clive Owen IS "William of Orange" with a carrot of course
Paul Giamatti IS "Napoleon"
Vinnie Jones IS "Wellington"
Nick Note IS "Blucher"

In "LOCK STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BAKERS"

Sound track by "Green Jello"

Starting on Kickstarter soon

The trailer voiceover has to start "In a world…."

Hmm.

"In a world where the French army is scary…"

He'd make a good Ney!

Too short. Ney was a beast! (at least back then he was)

Van Damme might (just might!) make a good Napoleon. He has the size and the look. Even if he fails, it will still probably be a movie of the same caliber of 300…but with a Napoleonic Wars theme! "THIS IS PARIS!"

Of course, Van Damme may think this is his chance to transition from Action Hero to Serious Actor. Many have tried before…

Dear Skippy

A+ I almost shorted out my keybord when my tea came through my nose from laughing so much.

Kudos also to Winston.

The only thing you guys missed is who is going to play the Jeff Goldblum character who will infiltrate the French camp and upload a virus into the French Computer system.

All I can say is that… no good will come of this.

Otto

It sounds very dire but I am willing to be pleasantly surprised. Some action hero/pop star/teen heart throbs really can act if they are encouraged too.

As I never liked him as an action hero, here is hoping.

Ps. Who should Jean Reno portray?

I'm encouraged that any movie about Napoleon could get made at all. Even with the dodgy casting decisions I'll go see it, and be appropriately disappointed.

I'm with Mark ^ let's wait and see. Not many Historical War films made any more.

Who would be the ideal choice for the little corporal?

It has to be good.

Their announcement says Napoleon led his troops into "battles" including the "Napoleonic Wars" and the "Penninsular War".

I mean they did the research and everything.
Well its apparently still being researched.
They don't seem to have yet discovered the name of the "Italian island" that Napoleon was exiled to.
I'm sure someone will eventually figure it out though.

I just hope the correct AK-47's are used and that the CGI is up to today's standards. I hate it when simple stuff like that gets overlooked.

Skippy for the winner… (smile)

Amicalement
Armand

Who would be the ideal choice for the little corporal?

If Kubrick had had his way back in the 60's, his choice was possibly Jack Nicolson for Napoleon and Audrey Hepburn as Josephine.

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Thank you people! I didn't take my meds today which explains a lot.

It should be directed by the guy who did Smokin' Aces.

And bankrolled by movie company execs that are smoking crack ;)

I am sure this one will drive the button counters crazy 'THE CUFFS ARE WRONG-ALL WRONG!"

Whenever a movie about any theme comes out, someone inevitably makes a movie about the same thing, only worse.

Perhaps this would inspire a copy-cat movie too, only one that was really good….

I am going to love the part where Napoleon drop kicks King Louis in slow motion with an looooooong death scream, followed by a pithy quip.

"RRRRRAAAAArrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

C'est le guerre… monsieur…."

(pardon the tres mal French)

Chalfant

Apperently this is not the first time Van Damme has stepped into the Napoleonic wars…

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Are you sure he didn't step into something else? Think Napoleon will be wearing tricolour paint on his face?

Arnold Schwarzenegger as Blucher
"General – the British will betray you – don't march!"
"No, I promised Wellington… I'LL BE BACK!"

Vinny Jones as Wellington.
"My God sir, I appear to have lost my leg!"
"MAN UP YOU NONCE"

Here he is!

Amicalement
Armand

Looks more like Talleyrand!

actually like Vandamme in Russian generals uniform

Van Damme or Vandamme – now that's funny……

I was going to suggest why not use Jean-Claude Vandamme to play General Vandamme, commander of the IIIrd Corp of the Armee du Nord? The two even have the same brave, impulsive, abrasive personalities.

They've already researched and created the uniforms for the old guard -- pictured standing behind Jean-Claude.

Announcer's voice:
"The French meet the British in battle once more, and this time, it's personal…"
[A defiant Napoleon stands in front of an amusement park, shaking his fist in the air.]
"I will not let a nation of shopkeepers take EuroDisney!"
[Crowd of soldiers dressed in uniforms from the 1960s cheers as artillery shells explode around them. A roller coaster train full of cuirassiers flies by, their swords in the air as trombones and tubas sound the charge.]

JCvD might actually be quite good as Ney rather than Napoleon.

They could put Danny Devito in as Napoleon, The special effects team will make it look right with CGI.

I vote for the Royal Marines in the background to star in the movie. After all we did deliver the final volley at Waterloo when we beat the Old Guard … "Now Royal Marines, now is your time" …

After all we did deliver the final volley at Waterloo when we beat the Old Guard … "Now Royal Marines, now is your time" …

There you go again, same old misinformation…. it wasn't the Old Guard, it was the Middle Guard :-)

Damn … thought they ran away too quickly. BTW mis-information is simply the way that history is told.