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"Would that we could truly know." Topic

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1,155 hits since 2 Apr 2013
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OSchmidt Inactive Member03 Apr 2013 9:51 a.m. PST

It would be interesting if we could really "know" what our spouses think of our hobby, and us. That is, truly "know" as opposed to trying to ferret out what they mean from "between the lines." This goes of course for spouses who are not involved in gaming. My own wife has never said a word against it, and told her friends, publically and in front of me that she doesn't mind it at all, "I always know where he is and if he says he's going to a game or convention, I know that's where he is." Still women are a curious and egnimatic part of the human race and one does not always know the full content of their thought. It would be nice to know but I suppose we never shall.

I am left therefore to speculate that in MOST cases they view it as merely an activity which is bizarre but not dangerous, unusual but not troublesom-- like collecting string or making a fetish of touching a lamp or object three times before leaving the house. That is, it makes no sense to them, but they are prepared to overlook it.

On the other hand I am FAIRLY sure that it is not looked on in many cases benignly, at least from the observations I have made of my own wife over lo these 40+ years of marriage. An interesting phenomenon which can be illustrated as follows.

1. She knows I like wargames and collecting toy soliders.

2. In all the 40+ years of marriage she always has had problems getting me Christmas gifts. I have gotten soliders from her precisely four times.

3.In each case I had to buy the figures myself, or she had a good wargaming friend buy them for me. However in all the rest of the cases I had to make out twenty different order forms with configurations of figures I wanted from TRADITION (I like Suren's Willies) and this lasted for three years.

4. Then suddenly, she "lost the file" and hasn't asked for me to recreateit.

5. This is puzzling as the catalog is close at hand, in fact the catalog for ANY of the armies I have is close at hand, and she could easily peruse it and get an idea of what I wanted. She also knows several friends I have in the hobby who could handle getting what I want in a cohesive and coherent amount, but never asked.

One might put this down to any of a number of factors, but I have three other collecting hobbies as well- Books of Paper Dolls, Christmas Nativity Scenese and Statuary of Noah's Ark, and Porcelean "Candle Houses". I get NONE of these at any time even though the tastes I have in each are quite self evident and as far as the candle houses go, almost ANY of them will do. But never.

I suspect that the problem with my specific spouse is that this, this collecting impulse of my character is a part of me she cannot understand or relate to and therefore is at sea with approximating a gift, or she does not LIKE that part of me, or my psyche and hence evinces a certain hostiolity by not recognizing it through a gift.

On the other hand I am always able to give her Christmas gifts that she loves and are amazed I can get. That's not to brag for my part, but it is interesting.

She's not anti-collecting. She collects elephants (no not real ones, but small statues of them, artwork of them, curios and curiosities embracing elephants etc. This of course make my getting a gift for her much easier. The point is that she understands the idea of collectiing, so why doesn't she understand it in me?

I also have a huge library of books on history and one would think one of them would be easy to procure.

It's a mystery.

ming31 Inactive Member03 Apr 2013 10:05 a.m. PST

I am in the same boat with all friends and relatives ( even gamers) They fear getting the wrong one …brand , army , figure type etc so they stick to what they know . she collectes elephants, you collect the second war of navel lint , 1977 morganite factions with the purple shirts NOT the brown ones …

consectari Inactive Member03 Apr 2013 10:09 a.m. PST

I can understand her not wanting to make wargaming purchases. That is a land that is very foreign to her with many pitfalls. It's like trying to pick out cosmetics for her. You might know what she's bought in the past, but does she need that at this time? Is she planning to switch to something else? Very dicey.

My own wife doesn't like to buy miniatures for me because I have to select them and then it's not a surprise. She always encourages me to just buy them and let her pick out some other gift for me.

Books of Paper Dolls, Christmas Nativity Scenese and Statuary of Noah's Ark, and Porcelean "Candle Houses".

These are a bit curious as they seem like they'd be much easier to work with.

Women are strange and mysterious creatures.

Big Red Supporting Member of TMP03 Apr 2013 10:18 a.m. PST

I warned her forty years ago before we got married. She said she understood but to this day remains dumbfounded.

45thdiv Inactive Member03 Apr 2013 10:55 a.m. PST

Amazon has a feature called a wish list. I add books I am interested in to it all year long. My wife just looks up my user name on amazon and views the books there. I have them broken out into sub section like movies, novels, research and game rules.

Just a thought.


Delta Vee03 Apr 2013 11:10 a.m. PST

i have a wargaming wife. and count myself darned lucky for it.

Personal logo Rrobbyrobot Supporting Member of TMP03 Apr 2013 11:42 a.m. PST

I have a somewhat similar situation with my Wife. I decided many years ago to get myself what I wanted for those special occasions, birthdays, etc… and credit her for 'allowing' me to do so.

nickessex Inactive Member03 Apr 2013 11:45 a.m. PST

well I once bought clothes for my wife – she took them back next day & swapped them for what she wanted.
Amazon has wishlists & my children organise getting figures if I give them a list. This year it was Medieval armies, previous year troops for the Sudan. Perrys figures make particularly nice presents as they come wrapped in little boxes like jewellery.

Rogues103 Apr 2013 11:49 a.m. PST

My wife is pretty clear in her contempt for my hobby and all that comes with it. I think she mentioned the last time I had friends over that she would go downstairs and break off/bend over all of the bayonets of my 15mm ACW (and I have a fair amount of it) if I did something stupid (in her opinion) again. Subtle she is not. Hey but I look on the bright side: she now knows what a 15mm figure is, she knows I have Civil War figures, and she knows they bayonets. After 25+ years of marriage I must have some influence on her. Just trying to stay out of the doghouse…

richarDISNEY Inactive Member03 Apr 2013 1:16 p.m. PST

For our anniversary last year, TLoML (The Love of My Life) got me a $300 USD gift cert to Grand Manner terrain. That caught me off guard.

While she is not a huge gamer (only will play D&D with the family or the occasional Formula D game) and she does not get what "I" get out of it (gaming, painting, collecting, etc…), she is totally for it.

She knows if its Thursday, I am gaming and nowhere else. If I say I'm going to a Con, she just asks for how many days and could she come on down just to hang out and get out of the house.

And she still does not understand my love of playing/watching/listening to Cricket either… But she will watch/listen to the game with me. GO BLACK CAPS!

SHE is a keeper!

vtsaogames03 Apr 2013 2:01 p.m. PST

My wife figures it is harmless enough. I hang out with a bunch of old guys.

Sometimes she just asks me what I'd like. And sometimes the non-gaming stuff she gets me is great. So it all works.

CommanderCarnage Inactive Member03 Apr 2013 4:00 p.m. PST

Rogues1, you are much more tolerant than I. I think I might find a good attorney if I was treated that way.

Leadjunky Supporting Member of TMP03 Apr 2013 4:57 p.m. PST

My wife knows how much I treasure my collection. If I were ever unfaithful she would probably take a hammer to them all. Better them than me I guess. Otherwise she seems to enjoy me enjoying my hobby and even thinks some of them are pretty cool.

Personal logo Grelber Supporting Member of TMP03 Apr 2013 5:01 p.m. PST

My wife understands that there are 25mm figures and then there are 25mm figures, and some of them don't go together. She is also something of a pacifist, and would no doubt rather I did electric trains. She has bought me things I point out from time to time, usually "pretty" fantasy figures or animals for my African games.


mckrok03 Apr 2013 6:17 p.m. PST

I tell her I like drinking and women, too. I can spend my free time at a bar or painting figures. The choice is hers. :)


Old Slow Trot Inactive Member04 Apr 2013 6:07 a.m. PST

She(Linda) knows about my gaming,and I often share the results and a few stories about it with her.

COL Scott0again Inactive Member05 Apr 2013 6:22 p.m. PST

Mine has no clue. But this Christmas I got a Lowes gift card and a picture of a wargaming table. After I retire from the Army in May I will have weekends back and then I get a table and therefore a foothold on an area in the house.

My wife is awesome.

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