The Rogering Rooster
by Ira Lee Gossett
the place: Vigo, Spain
the time: Janvier 1811; 3 bells in the last dog watch
I left my heart in the Bay of Biscay; also my lunch and a little bit of dinner. Merde it felt good to feel solid land beneath my feet once again after a passage like that.
Our little sloop had been transferred down to fight the English in Portugal and Spain. And a worse time couldn't have been picked, the Bay of Biscay was one rolling, confused mass of seawater and our tiny ship was tossed to and fro. If not for the Captaine and first mate, we would surely have drowned.
But now my Secretaire; Bidet and the Second-Matre Le Pew and I had our feet out towards a roaring fire drinking a passable red wine getting the chill out of our bones and the memory of our passage out of our heads.
The Rogering Rooster tavern was crowded but that held no worries for those that had just been packed into a 5 gun sloop for months on end.
Finishing our wine Bidet tried without luck to catch the serving wench's eye, a wall-eyed hunchback specimen of womanhood. Not having any luck, he headed up to the bar to get us more drinks.
After getting served, he turned away and stumbled ever so slightly, but it was enough to jog the fellow's arm he stumbled into, With a splash a drink was spilled.
"Pardon a moi Monsieur, allow me to buy you another drink."
"I don't take drinks from liquefied dandies such as you" "I will however take the cost of my nights fun out of your skinny hide."
"Seeing the night heading south quickly, I did what I thought was the best idea."
"Abelard! to me!"
"Abelard is it lads." "Heloise up and at them."
Ahhh, a quick glance around, showed it to be us three Abelard's to nine Heloise. It seems of the two tavern's in town, we had managed to pick the wrong one.
The Gendarmerie à pied wisely stayed outside and arrested all that came through the tavern's window and door. I'm happy to report we accounted for four of the Heloise crew before we came out to land our rumps. And now how to explain our brawling to the Captaine.
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