"How should Jar Jar die" Topic

"There are so many good choices that Lucas should make a movie that has scene after scene of Jar Jar suffering all the above suggestions."

Or maybe a holiday special where he dresses up as Art Carney and goes to the Wookie planet to steal life day. Instead of learning the real meaning of life day, the wookies get royally P.O.ed. They rip his arms out of their sockets and use them as clubs to bash his head in.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to this thread and helped break 100 posts.

Please we already had a Star Wars Holiday special and it was VERY BAD,and nothing could be worse that one.

Captain Gideon

If you want this to become truely monsterous, someone really should ask the editor to cross-post this thread to ALL discussion groups…

Slowly crushed from foot to head, by a Jawa Sandcrawler, in super-slow motion.

I can just about hear him now….

What's all this 'slow' stuff about? I want Jar Jar to have a quick death at the beginning of the first movie.

The year Phantom Meanace was released, my wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said "Jar Jar's head on a stick"…..and I got it.

Bloodthirsty are'nt you Clay so what do youssa have against Jar Jar Binks?

Captain Gideon

What board? Crucified by the Roman Army? Decapitated by a French 12pdr? Blown up at the battle of the Crater? Crushed under a Pzkw IV ausf D treads? Dropped from a CH -47while in flight? Attacked and eaten by zombies?

A bolotomus smashes him with his proloboscinator.

What the hell is a bolotomus?

Captain Gideon

Captain Gideon has obviously not played "Snit's Revenge" or he'd know; Bolotomi are large essentially immobile creatures who live on an alien beach, and come to enjoy smashing tiny Snits when the latter creatures charge up out of the sea to reproduce.

1. Slowly
2. Painfully
3. Slowly and painfully.

No Clovis I've never heard of it and don't really care anything about it,I just wanted to know about what was a Bolotomi.

For myself I have other things to keep me going game wise,like StarBlazers for example and lets not forget Fasa Star Trek and I must not forget Godzilla the real King of the Monsters.

To the above I also do 15mm Samurai,15mm Ancients and various Naval Periods.

So I keep myself pretty busy.

Captain Gideon

Well, if we're going to deal with Jar Jar on the modern aircraft boards, my answer is sucked through an A6s engine. Shame about the engine, but it's a small price to pay.

Gideon, it's not just the speaking style, it's that any creature sufficient to annoy a Master Jedi shouldn't have survived to meet the Master Jedi. I understand that the golden butler and the trash can were/are homages to the villagers in Hidden Fortress, and now the new series needed something of an appeal to small children. But you can tell a story that appeals to small children without annoying the adults (Shrek).

+1 for the A6 engine death! Quick, and easily done at the beginning of the movie.

No Clovis I've never heard of it and don't really care anything about it.

That is unfortunate, Captain Gideon, as the bolotomi play an essential part in the movies, particularly with regards to the character development of Jar Jar Binks (see, for example, Associate Professor J.B.Twaddle's [UCLA Dept of Film Entertainment History] thesis on 'The Influence of the Bolotomi Paradigm Shift on Cogniscent Saurian Binksian Reptilia in the Star Wars Canon').

While the bolotomi plot line is not obvious at first, and is mostly overlooked by younger viewers, once you see it, it stares out at you so you wonder how you ever missed it.

There are background bolotomus elements in every Star Wars movie. Check carefully the famous bar-room scene in the very first movie, and you'll see where Jar Jar Binks is actually conceived (though not as we know it). It may also foretell the way he will eventually die. Proloboscinators are devilishly tricky to handle, thus the low birth rate and high death rate of Binks' race during procreation. This makes Flooglestreet's suggestion of how JJ Binks dies one of the more likely scenarios in this thread.

By the way, Captain Gideon, 'Bolotomi' is the plural. 'Bolotomus' is the singular. Based on the Latin.

See also: link

But of course Arteis!
I never saw it like that before.
Thanks for pointing it out.

So THATS why they have snandergrabs on Tatooine!

Yes it all starts to make sense now doesn't it Floogle.

Yeah, Floogle and Max, bolotomi certainly do put everything in 'Star Wars' into perspective.

After writing my previous posting, I went to find Prof J B Twaddle's thesis to refresh myself on what else he had said about the importance of bolotomi and Jar Jar Binks' death. But it is unfortunately very difficult to locate his thesis online. Even Google didn't help much. However, with much searching through my study, I eventually found my old dog-eared print copy here.

Twaddle states (page 219, para 3): "Submodern discourse suggests that the character of Jar Jar Binks has intrinsic meaning, but only if Debord's model of prematerialist capitalism is valid; if that is not the case, Lucas's model of preconstructive reptilianic narrative is one of "cultural dematerialism". However, the reptilian/bolotomic distinction which is a central theme of 'Star Wars' is evident in a more mythopoetical sense. Thus, through the filmic-literary use of bolotomi, the ugliest possible death of Jar Jar is contextualised into a neopatriarchialist dematerialism that includes truth as a reality."

Of course, this is all above the heads of the less-educated audiences, to whom Jar Jar is no more than a highly entertaining character, but who don't realise the vital bolotomic references and the importance of his death to be as gruesome as possible for the above reasons.

The snandergrabs also help.

Arteis you'll pardon me as I throw up.

And please stop talking about Jar Jar's death as he's living in a nice place on Naboo.

Captain Gideon

But Bolotomus bolometrics mandate Jar Jars death in a redemption paradigm for the Don Dons in "Something Something Something Dark Side" as evidenced by the contrapuntal elegy delivered when they put Jar Jars remains in the coffee can.

flooglestreet I really don't understand what you're talking about,could you speak a little more plainly?

Captain Gideon

How the hell did this get onto the Napoleonics boards?

Does Jar Jar have a bricole?

How the hell did this get onto the Napoleonics boards?

Does Jar Jar have a bricole?

No, but Darth Vader is Grouchy.

And Jar Jar is not living in a nice place on Naboo. He was injured so badly they could only save his brain. It's floating in a container of nutrient on Coruscant. The attendant is very bored, so she smokes and uses Jar Jar's jar for an ashtray.

Can you provide a primary source for this asertion?

Can you provide a primary source for this asertion?

It's in the "Dummies Guide to the Necronomicon". Look under 10 things man was not meant to know.

And please stop talking about Jar Jar's death as he's living in a nice place on Naboo.

Captain, you are aware Naboo doesn't really exist, nor in fact does Jar Jar? Both are fictional.

Note Prof Twaddle's references are all to filmic-literature usages in the 'Star Wars' canon, not to real life.

You are correct, the storyline does indeed have Jar Jar 'living in a nice place'. But would that not make it more likely in a future episode for him to use his proloboscinator one nice evening with the lovely Mrs Binks? And we all know his clumsiness …

OK, attached to a bricole and has to drag a French 12pdr from Moskow to the Neimen River BY HIMSELF!

Arteis it goes both ways as you keep refering to Jar Jar's death,so do know Jar Jar Binks does'nt excist?

But in the end does it really matter because regardless of if you like Jar Jar or hate Jar Jar I for one will NEVER change my view on Jar Jar Binks.

Captain Gideon

Guys, I love this thread. Keep it up!

VR
James Mattes

No, but Darth Vader is Grouchy.

Ha ha ha! Love it!

Corporal Gideon

Why do you not care about Snits Revenge, or am I misreading the "tone" of your post?

It is a great fun game, that I would recommend to anyone who enjoys life.

And Ja Ja – yep, through the waste disposal with that one. So why Ensign Gideon are you such a fan – did you make the model o0r voice him, or is the voice actor a personal friend or some such?

First of all Marc the plastics fan it's Captain Gideon so at least get it right when you address someone.

With regards to Snit's Revenge I've NEVER heard of it so is that a crime not to know something?

And with regards to JAR JAR BINKS I'm a huge fan and my reason's for liking this character is frankly none of your business.

NUFF SAID

CAPTAIN GIDEON

The prison rape scene from the movie "American Me" comes to mind!
link

Ha ha ha
Uesugi is that a response to Captain Gid's post or the threads title?
signed
"Confused"

This thread just stopped being fun. Rape of anyu kind is no joke.

Maxshadow did you have to ask that?

Captain Gideon

flooglestreet I fully agree with your last post.

Captain Gideon

Nah, Private Gridiron, too serious for me I'm afraid. off to play Snits now :-)

Gee Mac you think I'm too serious I don't but since you don't know me you'll never know,so go and play your Snit game and I'll play some Star Trek Fasa games which you could never do.

Also Mac at least get my name correct when you address me as Captain Gideon,so remember that or you can just not respond to me if you can't use the proper name.

BTW do you have any idea who Captain Gideon is and where he comes from?

Captain Gideon

Oh gawd! Not again!

Hey Colin why are you here in this topic?

Captain Gideon

Well Gideon, this is a forum; we come here to talk about things. I had no idea what Jar Jar was or is, so I stopped by to have a look. Lo and behold, I find someone doing his "you don't know me" and "it's none of your business" things again;).

Colin I have my own views and I'll express them anyway I want,regardless of what you or anyone else might think I do have that right unless you think I don't.

You do remind me of a bad penny that keeps turning up and I can't get rid of it.

Captain Gideon

Gideon, get over yourself:).

No Colin I don't have to get over myself you stop getting in my business.

Captain Gideon

Gideon, when you post in a forum or on a message board, you have to expect people to reply, discuss things, argue with you, point things out to you and generally engage in banter and humourous comment. Telling them that it is none of their business or that they do not know you, getting upset when they play with your screen name, and telling them that they could never play a game that you do, is not really what it is all about, and just makes you look somewhat ridiculous.

Shot in firing squad standing next to Duc d'Enghien while tying the blindfold on him and gives the order to fire at same time?

Colin when I say it's none of their business I mean it's none of their business.

And yes I do understand about expecting people to reply,discuss things,argue with me,point things out to you and generally engage in banter and humourous comment(albeit not that humourous sometimes)BUT there is a limit.

When someone gets personnel that to me is crossing the line,and this has happened already at various times.

I admit I am thin skinned when it comes to various subjects but that's being human,and everyone is different and that's how it is at least in my life.

Captain Gideon

Shot in firing squad standing next to Duc d'Enghien while tying the blindfold on him and gives the order to fire at same time?

This.