The Dinosaurs were rendered extinct because they were boring!
65 million years ago God comes down from heaven to see how his creation is going, and on his tour through the universe he comes to Earth. Here he finds the dinosaurs. Passing the clipboard to Gabriel he asks the biggest T-Rex on the planet.
God (adjusting his sunglasses) "Hmm
So after 100 million years what do you have to say for yourself? I don't see much that would fall in the impressive column down here!"
T-Rex!: "Oh Sir! Lots, see, what happens is we get up in the morning, take a big dump
"
God: "Yah I noticed, Raphael is off on the trail somewhere scraping off one of your dumps off his foot and shin! I don't know HOW I'm going to get his robe clean-- and his sandals I'm just going to send down the disposal chute to hell! Can't you guys clean that up or invent latrines!?"
T-Rex: (momentarily flustered).. "Oh well yeah-- anyway after we take a dump, we go find something smaller than ourselves and kill it and eat it! Then we find a willing female and mate with it. Then we go to sleep!" (The T-Rex beams proudly with self-satisfaction!"
God: "Boring! That's all you got? Sounds boring!"
Raphael: (having come up, limping on one sandal). "Right, Boss, boring, really, really Boring, I mean I've never heard anything so boring
"
God: Gives Raphael a sour look, and turns to the T-Rex "Yeah boring. Sleep Crap, Eat, Screw, and sleep! That's all you got."
T-Rex: But Creator! We take really, really BIG sleeps and we take really, really BIG dumps! and we eat really, really BIG thigs, and we mate with really really big
."
God:"Yah, Yah, Yah, Sounds really, really bigly boring!
While the T-Rex has been groveling, God has been watching a couple of small shrew-like creatures stealthily easing out of the T-Rex nest a few of it's eggs, and slowly edging them into the brush. God barks out..
God: "Hey you! Joe Mammal! You got anything better?!"
Shrew: (Spinning around and trying to hide the vast bulk of the egg behind his outstretched paws and legs says "What OH!! Nothing to worry about! We was just trying to get this egg into the shade! Wouldn't want these little tykes to get too hot! Can't be too careful
"
God: "I don't care about the me-damned eggs! I'm asking you if you've got something better in your act than what this guy's got!" (Gesturing over his shoulder to the T-Rex.)
Shrew: "What! Oh!! Oh boy Boss! Yes !Just you wait one minute."
The T-Rex finally figuring what is going on starts to get angry,
Suddenly the Shrew comes out from under the brush with a little ringmasters hat on, twirling his cane while off to the side a party of opossums is playing the instruments of the Band at the Barnum and Baily Circus, Shrew's helper is doing acrobatic leaps from the backs of one turtles to another turtles, while on top of a huge tortoise two Shrews are sqeaking out in their best chip-N'Dale Voice- "Oh Womeo, Womeo, Wherefowth Awt thou, Womeo!" Meanwhile on another, one Shrew announces "I think therefore I am!" And another smacks him in the face with a custard pie, while on another one says "Tis a Far Far Better thing I do
" while another says in a loud falsetto "Niagara Falls! Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuck" and the third, with a thick black bowl haircut pokes him in both eyes and says SHaaadup you two! A shrew comes out riding a small chariot pulled by four lizards, while behind him another shrew holds a laurel wreath over his head saying "remember you are but a man!" And following that another is on a little cart and he's got a stovepipe hat on and says "fourscore and seven years ago."
When the parade is over the original shrew comes out and says "Well, whaddya think!"
God: Not bad, needs a little finishing, but you guys might have something.
He turns to the T-Rex and says.
God: "Ok, you're out!" he says to the T-Rex,"get your affairs in order, the meteorite will get here tomorrow.
God turns to Gabriel--
God: Call up Maintenance, have them drop the rock on--- umm-- Xichshulub tomorrow!
Gabriel: Umm
Sure boss? What about Philadelphia?"
God: "Naah, next time! Right now it's Xichshulub!
Gabriel: Excellent decision boss!"
God: Says nothing but rolls his eyes!"
Turning to the shrews he says
God: "And I don't want any of this yes-men stuff from you lot! I've had enough of it!
Shrew: "Yes boss
ummm.. did you say "meteorite?!" Er-- eh
boy look at sun, boy how time flies when you're having fun! Well I gotta go, gotta see a man about a blast shelter!
and all of them vanish like the road-runner on a peppy day.
The moral of the story is-- if you want to survive-- Don't be boring. God does not like boring.