"Dracula vs. King Arthur " Topic

Hey all, Christian Beranek, co-writer of Dracula vs. King Arthur here. Wanted to tell you about the book:

Vlad Tepes of the Dracul Order is in his final days. His empire is about to be overrun by an advancing Turkish Army. Vlad will certainly be killed and have his remains spread across the countryside…unless he makes a deal with Lucifer himself. He will become Dracula, the first vampire, and go back to the days of Camelot to destroy King Arthur.

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Open to any questions you may have! Thanks for your time and interest.

"It's Evil Meets Medieval!"

That was the point at which you lost me. Still, good job on spelling "medieval" correctly, which is better than many here can achieve.

Allen

Uh…. does he meet Darth Vader and the Loch Ness monster in Xanadu as well?

After First Knight, hasn't poor ole' King Arthur suffered enough?

A quick Googling of your title reveals some reviews with things to say like, "goofy but fun" and suggests that the authors have a decent grasp of the source material. allyngibson.net/?p=1336

The only problem is that you have stumbled upon a den of folk who argue about things like how many straps were used to hold a WWI era Hungarian rifleman's canteen in place. We do not believe in …fun.

Maybe the frog throwing Ewoks that made the glittery wooden 500' tall unicorn of Troy ultima 3 could make an appearance as well! And the Stay-puft man! I'm sure there's room in there too for Robin of Sherwood, Columbo, Princess Diana, Jesus, the cast of Fame and President Kennedy! Who was that crossbowman on the grassy knoll? Why it was Steven Segal! Backed by his secret consortium of trans dimensional smurfs and stickleback fish!

spam.com

In next weeks instalment: Ironsides and Kojak go on the crusades to defeat Starsky and Hutch and Captain Scarlet and drive them out of Jerusalem!

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I assume ol' Vlad recruits his forces from the Knights Who Say Ni but find their thirst for shrubbery stronger than his for blood?

Did I need a spoiler alert?

Vlad takes his dragons and ultra flying jellyfish into the battle of Britain only to be defeated by the RAF's garlic tea bag cannons!

Meanwhile, Arthur, disilusioned with the whole search for the grail, and having seen in a vision that it would result in a terrible Dan Brown book, abdicates and sets up a free love commune in Scotland. He stumbles across the recipe for kendle mint cake in the book of kells and becomes rich. Guinevire joins a goth band and Lancelot signs a lucrative deal with Gilette.

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it made Arthur filthy rich!
Meanwhile Dracula, who CBA by now and is losing the will to live, becomes a Napoleonic wargamer and as a hobby decides to prove that the moon landings are fake, even though they're hundreds of years in the future. Satan has a fit and tells Dracula his Austrian's uniforms are all the wrong colour which upsets Dracula as he's had to hand grind all the paints from dirt and beetles. Suddenly Dracula has a brilliant idea and invents the typewriter to do the script for a sitcom called "loves conquers all" staring him and Satan as mismatched room mates who find that their love for each other overcomes their weekly theological differences. Hilarity ensues.

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Yes – Satan and Dracula even had promotional bracelets made. However, the network cancelled the series after 5 episodes and Dracula had to go onto income support, even though it wouldn't be invented for several hundred years. Satan left him for a night elf and Dracula went hunting for Arthur again, who by this time had mastered all of time and space through excessive consumption of Kendal mint cakes and watching back to back episodes of Beavis and Butthead. Arthur was a wreck. The knights of the round tablet came to help him though, in the Millenium Falcon, piloted by Grace Kelly, with Mussolini and Tesla on the rear guns.

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Mmmmm… Kendal mint cake…

Yum yum. 99% sugar, 1% mint

THEN – That arse bastard Merlin turned up. "Hello Arthur", he said, "what's up? I've been using my magical crap powers to torture kittens and puppies when I should've been upholding the realm and stuff. Where's Excalibur?"
"Dunno" said Arthur, eating his 16th Kendal mint cake that minute. "Think I pawned it for some Dracula comics."
"You total imbecile!" shouted Merlin. "We needed that to settle this war with Spiderman and Ghandi!"

"Hold still!" hissed Dracula. "How do you expect me to perform delicate rectal surgery with this plasma rifle if you keep wriggling?"
"There's nowt wrong with my rectum!" cried Arthur suggestively. "Take it out! If you'd stayed in your own time and not messed around with Satan none of this would've happened!"

Garnham, you scared the poor newbie off, shame on you.

Spam! Spam, I say!

YouTube link

Dracula crawled from the steaming crater. He was covered in bumfudge. "I say!" qouth he, "I'll give up this life of blood to consume delicious, hearty bumfudge from now on!" And so off he flew, above the ruins of Camelot, born aloft by Barbara cartland picture and the singing postman picture

YouTube link

YouTube link

Geez GarnhamGhast… get a life.

The only problem is that you have stumbled upon a den of folk who argue about things like how many straps were used to hold a WWI era Hungarian rifleman's canteen in place. We do not believe in …fun.

He should've posted on this TMP board:

TMP link

OOoo quick… come see. Some of the lads are turning TMP into Frothers Lite!
Oh, but it's not really…is it?

Sounds like scenario for a good HOTT game.

I wonder why GarnhamGhast is so taken with this concept. I have never seen so many posts by one person is such a short span.

Christian B on the other hand, seems to have joined the group to create this one thread.

All very stange

Welcome to the world of web 2.0 self-publishing, self-marketing. It's a place where anyone can circulate anything--even if it would never get picked up by an actual publishing-house if an editor had to decide whether it had literary quality or if it had a chance to make money. Good thing, or bad thing? Hard to say. The premise of this novel makes me gack personally, but, hey, if someone can hack a Jane Austin novel with zombies and be on the best seller list then what the heck do I know…

AX

Yeps..Sock Puppet alert….

Surely there is no sock puppetry when the poster identified himself as an author of the product?

Spamming perhaps, but not sock puppetry.

OR is GarmanGhast the puppet for posting so manically? : )

Hey I aint no sock puppet!

Hey I aint no sock puppet!

Sure you are, you've posted so many time here, I just have to conclude you're the other co-writer as Mr. Beranek mentions…

Mind, you the "book" looks extremely silly, I'm not sure how anyone could take this seriously.
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Tim

GarnhamGhast, those posts are some of the funniest I have read. I was laughing so hard I had to take breaks reading. Thankyou!!

Dude, that was seriously funny. I can speak up for GranmaGraft. He ain't no second author and that's fow' sho'
He's just a bit barmy and got a bit carried away. Maybe he's looking to take DWW title for longest post (if you take them all together)///// Hey, granthamghost – how's the head this morning…… don't drink and post dude!!!

Er, if you follow the link in the OP it's a COMIC…. not a book, big differnce in my book!

Hi Mishima, head is fine but then I slept in till two…
Bad night and this caught me the wrong way. if it made a few people laugh then it was worth it, it cheered me up at the time.
BTW if any of those ideas above end up in the guy's next comic I'll sue!

Oh yes, I laughed til i cried, seriously!!! But I am familiar with your style of humour!!!!

Wishiwashima that is very kind of you

The comic book format is kind to stories such as this. The DC Elseworld stories are some of the better comic books stories produced. Also DC produced Aliens vs. Superman or was that Superman vs. Aliens, anyway, that wasn't too bad either. (Since I purchased it, I refuse to admit anything else.) My point is this seems to have entertainment potential.

I almost picked up it, but the Paypal cart link was not working.