"The Ultimate Showdown in Imaginary Matchups!" Topic

I've seen some crazy what ifs lately, so lets cut to the quick!

US Special Forces vs Ewok.

Who wins?

US Special forces. Ewoks are technologically feeble creatures that are only capable of beating an opponent that isn't actually capable of hitting anything at which they shoot.

Interesting crossposting there…

This should have been crossposted to the Napoleonic boards.

For example, French cuirassiers at Waterloo against Edward the V's archers instead of Wellington's squares.

Who wins?

The Ewoks of course!!

Ewoks. We all know how well technologically inferior foe can perform against western armies as guerillas, as we and the US army are finding out in Afghanistan and Iraq, and the US found out in Vietnam.

Yes, the Ewoks are all conquering because they have luck and George Lucas on their side.

"Yes, the Ewoks are all conquering because they have luck and George Lucas on their side."

Not to mention The Force!

No, that would be the FARCE…

Ewoks. We all know how well technologically inferior foe can perform against western armies as guerillas, as we and the US army are finding out in Afghanistan and Iraq, and the US found out in Vietnam.

Depends. Are there cameras present? Because the real statement should be:

"Ewoks. We all know how well technologically inferior foe can perform against western media as guerillas, as we and US politicians are finding out in Afghanistan and Iraq, and LBJ found out in Vietnam."

Militarily, guerillas are rarely "successful" against well-trained Western style armies; they've yet to truly win any significant military engagement. Their only hope for victory is the PR war. If no cameras are around, they lose.

That's not how the Special Forces work – they're commandos, but that's second to their diplomatic skills. The SF would impress the local ewoks with their martial prowess and gifts of weapons/booze/sparklies to the tribal elders, then convince them to go marauding (since they're into that anyway) against US ideological/economic opponents in the region. Ewoks are really just fuzzy little Montagnards.

USS Nimitz Air Group vs. Japanese Pearl Harbor Fleet (WITHOUT the silly time vortex reappearing at the end)

Scooby and the Gang vs. Great Cthulhu ("Hey, it was old man Whatley after all!")

Old style Cylons vs. AD&D Rust Monsters

Everyone knows the Ewoks will win, since they are cute, furry, and cuddly. US Special Forces, not so much.

If they were able to defeat Stormtroopers in battle armor, armed with blasters, and supported by walkers, there is no question the Ewoks would win in the twisted George Lucas-logic world…..

Personally, I'm more interested in the Emperor's Guard against Ninjas, Samurai, or Spetznatz.

Sadly, even the Emperor's Guard seem to succumb all too quickly on film, despite their fearsome reputation. One would think they would have at least a moderate understanding and ability to use The Force during melee combat, and to have some staying power, so they are not overcome so easily.

"Scooby vs. Cthulu"
So:
'Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn' really translates as "i would have gotten away with it if it hadn't've been for you pesky kids'?

what if the ewoks are the aggressors..?

Parzival,

Can't "prove" it because people will "define" the terms away to nonsense but I do agree that you correct.

That said, many of the early American operations in Vietnam had serious problems and at least once a masascare (essentially) of company plus US troops occurred. Ambushes, by definition, are supposed to be lopsided "battles" and asymetric warfare is an attempt to powerful nations flounder until they quit.

Gracias,

Glenn

Scooby. Somebody would tell him and Shaggy that Cthulhu was giant calamari, and it'd be all up for The Great One.

Thanks, Glenn.

That's why I say, in the given scenario, cameras would make a difference. One simple pan of a bunch of dead, shot-up teddy bears lying in the jungle, and it'd be all up for the politicians.

This should have been crossposted to the Napoleonic boards.

For example, French cuirassiers at Waterloo against Edward the V's archers instead of Wellington's squares.

Who wins?

You just had to bring that up, again, didn't you? :)

TMP link

I am waiting on George to redo all the Ewoks in those stupid furry costumes with CGI creatures that are furry little blood thirsty demons.

The aliens that always scared me the most were the warriors from the "Mote in Gods Eye", something about their description just always sent chills up my spine and made me check the dark corners.

So my match up would be the Warriors from "Mote in Gods Eye" against a hive of Aliens from "Aliens".

@ CooperSteveOnTheLaptop:

Close, but "wgah'nagl" more properly translates as "meddling."

The Ewoks each time. Lucas would just add more cute and "awww" factor to counter any SF training or weapons development.

What about the pirates of the Caribbean vs the pirates from "The Island" (1980, Caine version)?

Stormtroopers vs. Ultramarines (Ultramarines)
Rebels led by Luke Skywalker vs. Chaos Marines (Chaos)
White Hand Orcs vs. Warhammer Dwarfs (WHOrcs)
Star Trek Enterprise-D Away Team vs. Star Wars Republic Commandos (Republic Commandos)

Chuck Norris vs. Mike Ditka?
Texas Rangers vs. All the Mexico Drug Cartels

Ewoks vs. rush hour traffic on I-4. (The resulting furry pancakes can be used afterward to play frisbee with the zombie dogs from Resident Evil…. ;)

Ewoks! The "ewok wave" assault would overwhelm the Special forces.

Now how about Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday VS Chris and Snoop (Marlowes guns from The Wire Season 3 on) in an a western town/urban setting.

Dude, Chuck Norris vs anything is a foregone conclusion – nothing can beat Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once randomly encountered a Sphere of Annihilation. It apologized for the inconvenience and floated away.

I want a 28mm Chuck Norris. Like, now. It'll be a symbol of the end of whatever game we're playing. When Chuck hits the table, it's over.

I like Chuck, but Bruce Lee kicked his ass. So not nothing can beat him.

Ewoks vs Jar Jar Binks… to the death!

Any takers?

Would it possible to arrange for both to die?

Gracias,

Glenn

For those who mentioned Scooby vs. Cthulhu:

link

And I already have the figures to play this out…

I feel bad for the Emperor. I truly do. "An entire legion of my best troops" is stationed on Endor, he says. Kind of makes you wonder how bad his regular troops are, and how come he's still in power.

Maybe the Rebels are worse?

Gracias,

Glenn

It's kind of like a bunch of back country farm boys and fluffy politicians against a regime that uses mass-produced soldiers with poor aim, poor armor, and no good camouflage scheme whatsoever (unless you happen to be lucky and be a Snow-trooper.).

Macross SDF-1 Fleet vs. Londo Bell (Gundam)