"Paul Daniels for Gandalf" Topic

If you were the director of The Hobbit what actors would you use? As Ive said, I would have Paul Daniels as Gandalf, Julien Clary as Thranduil and Bjorn out of Abba as Beorn. Maybe Tom Cruise as Bilbo, but if not probably, Madonna.

Donald Sutherland!

Actually, if I were the director of The Hobbit, I'd be looking for work, not actors.
;-)

~OD

"Maybe Tom Cruise as Bilbo…"

He wouldn't have to walk around on his knees. :)

Or use CGI to make look short ether.

It's high time Brian Blessed got to be a dwarf!

Ken Livingstone as Gollum.

George Clooney would have to be Gollum to teach him a lesson he wouldn't soon forget.

Kylie and Danni Minogue as Bill and Bert Huggins.

Do I have to post all of this myself?

I agree about Blessed! He MUST be cast as a dwarf in this movie.

Whoever was Gollum should be gollumn again. He does not change.

I am at a loss for the rest… I'd love to see some of the guys from 13th Warrior as the Beornings.

Ronnie Corbett as bilbo
Richard O'brien as gollum
David Bellamy as any of the Dwarves
Bill Oddie as any of the other Dwarves
Graham norton as an elf
Patrick Stewart as Gandalf
Richard Burton (rip) voice of Smaug
add all of the Bee-Gee's and you have a full
Dwarven chorus line and Tolkien can have the full
scale musical he wanted.

Toll

Ah, Tolley, you can be my first assistant.

Thankyou SunMachine
I am flattered

Toll

SunMachine

When you decide the final cast list made up from the suggestion's you like the most,
I think you should send it to New Line and ask (nay demand) the list to be followed
to the letter it!!!

Ow dear! Have I gone to far again?

Toll

SunMachine

When you decide the final cast list made up from the suggestion's you like the most,
I think you should send it to New Line and ask (nay demand) the list to be followed
to the letter d-a-m-n it!!!

Ow dear! Have I gone to far again?

Toll

I'll say it twice, too.

'Carry on Bilbo', staring Syd James as Bilbo, Charles Hawtry as Thranduil, Bernard Breslaw as Beorn, Kenneth Williams as Gandalf, Barbara Windsor as Gloin and Kenneth Connor as Fili. Now, I think thats the cast. Whos going to finance it?

George Clooney is still Gollum.

Billy Connelly should be a Dwarf and Ronnie Corbett is a Hobbit so no need for CGI there.

Most carry on films had alternative titles.
Here are A few suggestion's
Carry on down the Hobbit hole,
Carry on up the Ring,
Carry on abroad 2

Toll

Carry On Bilbo : Gored In The Ring

Ok, this is good. Carry On Bilbo. Staring Graham Norton, Syd James as Bilbo, and special guest star George Clooney as Gollum. Directed by SunMachine, assisted by Toll. Who's doing the music?
Actually, you can put the Carry On team in any situation, for example; Carry On Aliens. You can see Babs, jiggling down the corridor with a big flamer. Introducing Christopher Biggins as 'The Alien Queen'.

'Oh, Toll, could you get Mr. Clooney a towel, he says his contact lenses are stinging a bit? Thanks. Right, George, when we get to the line, "String or nothing!", I want you to stamp your big, wet flippers on the ground, ok?'

'Whats IT got in its pocketses, George, whats IT!'

How long should the film be?

The longer the film the longer that Mr. Clooney is
tortured at the hands of syd James It will all be very
good for George. If George is not in the scene he can still
Be drest up.

Toll

We can make up extra scenes, like Peter Jackson did. So it will be about three films long. I reckon, too, that it would be good if George is fitted with gills, and we can watch him breathe as Kraftwerk or Can, (or something German, anyway), is played in the background. The fact that poor Syd is no longer with us will drain our finances, though, with huge amounts of CGI Syd. But, I think, George will do it for nothing anyway, as he will have all the fish he can eat, which, as we know only too well, he likes very much. We will need to think about the colour of Patrick Stewarts' wig soon, as well as how we are going to pay that Norton fella.

Danni Minogue has pulled out, though.

We can get Danni Minogue back if we make up even more extra scenes of a love interest between her and CGI Syd.
She can then give away her immortality to CGI syd,
bringing him back to life and thereby cutting Expensive
CGI costs

Toll

Good thinking, Toll. Syd is an old lothario, if anyone can make Danni happy it would be CGISyd. Patrick Stewart has settled on a Gunmetal wig which is strobing on film like one of Dale Wintons kipper ties, if its not one thing, its another. Gollum/George has been fighting with Kylie too. These Minogue girls are more trouble than they are worth, Im thinking, maybe we will have to disappoint them. Toll, I think we have alienated everyone from this thread, but Im determined to make it the longest thread in the history of TMP. Even more than the Perry's got for their plastic ACW.

We can save more on the CGI budget by gluing bits form a
GW Chaos Spawn sprue on to a frog for Smaug.
You still need to find a talented actor for the voice.

Who should be the Voice of Smaug?
If you got James Earl Jones you could think about a star wars cross over. make up even more extra scenes.
A good plot twist could be that it turns out that Smaug
is bilbo's father.

Toll

Charles Hawtry as Thranduil

*Snort guffaw*

Suddenly reminded of his entrance in Carry on up the Jungle. The dwarves are manacled, roughly shoved and barrelled through the elven tunnels, until they reach the throne room and "Ooh Hello!"

Poor old ronnie corbett! If he feels sad because he lost the starring role to CGISyd,
You could change character's and invent new one's.
Split the Bilbo character in to twins bill Baggins and Bo Sackville-Baggins,
neither of them know the truth that they are twins because they were separated at birth
and hidden to protect them from their evil father Smaug.

Toll

Ronnie was always going to be trouble. Four candles indeed! And it is with this in mind that he has to go, we can't rely on his height talent to get us by anymore as he has grown 14 inches over the past three days. And take Danni with you! Im sick and tired of her constant moaning about the lack of blue Smarties. Im afraid to report, too, that Georges costume has fused to his body. It turns out that he was sleeping in it. There was a small patch of skin at the bottom of his back which let him breathe, but Danni stuck her chewing gum over the breathing hole. He tried to breathe through his gills with some success, but at the cost of turning into a fish/man hybrid. I dont think the girls will go for him now. Hes much more into crustaceans these days anyway. We are all well aware of the lack of suitable voice over talent for Smaug. I wanted that guy from Dark Star, ('How are the Dodgers doing?'), but it turns out he is dead too. I managed to buy his head on eBay for $8.60, and so, Toll, you owe me $4.30 USD as well as $15 USD for that other thing. I like the plot twist about Bilbo's father, 'CGISyds, I am your father!' has great dramatic potential, especially considering they are all, sadly, ex-actors. There is no need to involve parts of GW sprues, as George is shedding skin like a Dale Winton, more than enough for a prosthetic lizard.

Oh, and Vermis, you are now the Props manager.

It seems my thread has died. :(

Not yet Sunmachine
I have writers block :)
May be you could start to storyboard Carry On Bilbo

In a hole in the ground…

there lived a CGISyd…